The Christmas play is over! I survived! Mainly cause my mom came and helped me. Last year, I did the play but I had no idea it was so involved. So I asked my mom to do it this year. We also had 7 adults in attendence this year. Last year we had 2. We are improving. Perhaps next year we will have a packed house. Here is a part of the play and one of the kids.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Africa
I mean the song "Africa" of course. Toto. I heard this on the radio on the way to a christmas party and laughed my head off...though it is a little more funny seeing the video. I had posted the original performance of this group from 10 years ago but its not playing anymore. So this is a more recent recording of the same group.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thanksgiving
Last year, around the end of Nov, I asked the kids at Clinton if they had learned what Thanksgiving was about at school. They said they learned that a long time ago, the pilgrims saved the Indians because the Indians were hungry and couldn't get food. I was horrified at their response. And I was so mad, I think I stuttered before getting out the real story of Native people.
This year I began early, the end of October, the beginning of Nov talking about thanksgiving. A basic generic story of how the pilgrims had come from another country and since they had come from another country they didn't know how to work the land and they didn't know how to grow food here. The native people were from here so they knew the land so they had food. I asked the kids, what do you think the indians did when they saw that the pilgrims were hungry and had no food?
One ten-year-old boy said, "They gave the pilgrims food but they shouldn't have done it. Look how we get treated today. I wouldn't have shared my food with them."
The entire dilemma of being Native and being Christian can be summed in a single question. And it is a question that I have wrestled with my entire life. The question being: knowing what I know now, would I have chosen to help that group of hungry people. I am sure that if those Indians had chosen not to share, not much would have changed the outcome, we just wouldn't celebrate Thanksgiving.
But it is an issue that most Native Christians have to deal with or figure out how to ignore every thanksgiving. Native Christian pastors have to figure out how to preach about giving thanks knowing the horrendous things that happend to Native people. Knowing that we have never been able to properly grieve. Knowing that even though Nov is Native American Heritage month, we are still invisable...
My initial response to the question has been the same as that ten-year-old boy's. I wouldn't have shared my food. But that response goes against my upbringing, both Native and Christian. So I usually grumble and say well, I would have given them the food I don't like. I preached at another revival this past week where I talked about that little boy. I talked about my anger with the church, about my work in Clinton, and about my being able to let go of that angry. To forgive.
That we who have been hurt by the church and so many people are out who have been hurt in the name of God, Native and non-native. We who have been hurt could go out and do something different because we are the church too. It was hard for me, the whole topic was hard because part of me wanted to agree with that child. But it was the other part of me that answered him. I told him that as Christians, we were meant to live a certain way and God intends that way to include sharing. The Native people long ago also knew there was a good way to live and a way that wasn't so good. No matter what happened later, they chose to live the good way.
But the hard part was that it seemed that those long ago Natives knew all about loving the neighbor and the people who were told by Jesus to love the neighbor did not love the neighbor and now Native people must wrestle with whether or nor they would have.
Wesley's simple rule "do no harm" is so much harder to live out because so much harm has already been done. Native people have a right to their anger but seeing anger and bitterness in a child's eyes doesn't seem like the good way. Native Christians and others who have been hurt by the church, we are the church too and we can do something different. We do not have to perpetuate the hurt done to us by the good church folk. Or another way of saying that would be, we Native people can continue to do as we have already done, we can share our food.
This year I began early, the end of October, the beginning of Nov talking about thanksgiving. A basic generic story of how the pilgrims had come from another country and since they had come from another country they didn't know how to work the land and they didn't know how to grow food here. The native people were from here so they knew the land so they had food. I asked the kids, what do you think the indians did when they saw that the pilgrims were hungry and had no food?
One ten-year-old boy said, "They gave the pilgrims food but they shouldn't have done it. Look how we get treated today. I wouldn't have shared my food with them."
The entire dilemma of being Native and being Christian can be summed in a single question. And it is a question that I have wrestled with my entire life. The question being: knowing what I know now, would I have chosen to help that group of hungry people. I am sure that if those Indians had chosen not to share, not much would have changed the outcome, we just wouldn't celebrate Thanksgiving.
But it is an issue that most Native Christians have to deal with or figure out how to ignore every thanksgiving. Native Christian pastors have to figure out how to preach about giving thanks knowing the horrendous things that happend to Native people. Knowing that we have never been able to properly grieve. Knowing that even though Nov is Native American Heritage month, we are still invisable...
My initial response to the question has been the same as that ten-year-old boy's. I wouldn't have shared my food. But that response goes against my upbringing, both Native and Christian. So I usually grumble and say well, I would have given them the food I don't like. I preached at another revival this past week where I talked about that little boy. I talked about my anger with the church, about my work in Clinton, and about my being able to let go of that angry. To forgive.
That we who have been hurt by the church and so many people are out who have been hurt in the name of God, Native and non-native. We who have been hurt could go out and do something different because we are the church too. It was hard for me, the whole topic was hard because part of me wanted to agree with that child. But it was the other part of me that answered him. I told him that as Christians, we were meant to live a certain way and God intends that way to include sharing. The Native people long ago also knew there was a good way to live and a way that wasn't so good. No matter what happened later, they chose to live the good way.
But the hard part was that it seemed that those long ago Natives knew all about loving the neighbor and the people who were told by Jesus to love the neighbor did not love the neighbor and now Native people must wrestle with whether or nor they would have.
Wesley's simple rule "do no harm" is so much harder to live out because so much harm has already been done. Native people have a right to their anger but seeing anger and bitterness in a child's eyes doesn't seem like the good way. Native Christians and others who have been hurt by the church, we are the church too and we can do something different. We do not have to perpetuate the hurt done to us by the good church folk. Or another way of saying that would be, we Native people can continue to do as we have already done, we can share our food.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Rednecks for Obama
Check it out. http://rednecks4obama.com
I saw this article http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20081009/pl_afp/usvoteobamarednecks
a couple of days ago. Made me a little teary eyed and I feel better about the world in general these days.
So, ok. Obama is hugely popular because he is African American. But I think only he could say some of the things he is saying and have it mean something. It is because he is not white, it means something to the people. Have to think about that one for a few days...
So, last Friday, my one strong church member called for a healing service. No biggie. Towards the end (the church folk are of the more old school chruch type that have church for hours and hours) I invited those that felt lead to share to share...I was listening as several people talk about their upbringing. They talked about their faithful parents and the fact that these parents prayed so that they felt they never had to. But now the parents are gone and they have realised that they need to pray themselves.
One of the things that I feel is a shortcoming as a pastor is that I have been a christian as long as I can remember. Even when I rebelled in college, I never left the church. And I like the church. I have many fond memories of the church I grew up in. I'm not bragging nor do I think I am better, actually, I think this all detracts from my ability to connect with the people in my congregation.
I was already fighting an uphill battle with them (the adults -about 5 people). They let their church go. By all rights, that church should have been closed. They stopped coming because they had a crappy pastor. But I have a complete lack of compassion for them. They let their church go. I could possibly let it go but the adults are hostile about me being there (apparently I am too young) and about the children and the church and community center being there. The adults have no interest in the community center. Whatever. I am doing my job to the best of my ability working with children and grown folks who act like children. I really prefer the kids. Its frustrating waiting for grown people to get over themselves.
I did have a non-bitter insight earlier today. My beloved church I grew up in. The ultra conservative small United Methodist Choctaw church. The services were all held in Choctaw. The language that I don't speak or understand. They spoke choctaw and sang in choctaw and really I never knew what they were saying. I could intuit what was being said so I learned about church by people's actions. Meaning I never heard any ultra conservative language. At Drew there were those who had grown up in conservative churches and who were deeply hurt by it.
I find that interesting. Maybe its not. But I have long held the idea that Christianity should be action over talking. Or in simpler terms, Christian should just shut up.
But you gotta love those rednecks right? I do.
I saw this article http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20081009/pl_afp/usvoteobamarednecks
a couple of days ago. Made me a little teary eyed and I feel better about the world in general these days.
So, ok. Obama is hugely popular because he is African American. But I think only he could say some of the things he is saying and have it mean something. It is because he is not white, it means something to the people. Have to think about that one for a few days...
So, last Friday, my one strong church member called for a healing service. No biggie. Towards the end (the church folk are of the more old school chruch type that have church for hours and hours) I invited those that felt lead to share to share...I was listening as several people talk about their upbringing. They talked about their faithful parents and the fact that these parents prayed so that they felt they never had to. But now the parents are gone and they have realised that they need to pray themselves.
One of the things that I feel is a shortcoming as a pastor is that I have been a christian as long as I can remember. Even when I rebelled in college, I never left the church. And I like the church. I have many fond memories of the church I grew up in. I'm not bragging nor do I think I am better, actually, I think this all detracts from my ability to connect with the people in my congregation.
I was already fighting an uphill battle with them (the adults -about 5 people). They let their church go. By all rights, that church should have been closed. They stopped coming because they had a crappy pastor. But I have a complete lack of compassion for them. They let their church go. I could possibly let it go but the adults are hostile about me being there (apparently I am too young) and about the children and the church and community center being there. The adults have no interest in the community center. Whatever. I am doing my job to the best of my ability working with children and grown folks who act like children. I really prefer the kids. Its frustrating waiting for grown people to get over themselves.
I did have a non-bitter insight earlier today. My beloved church I grew up in. The ultra conservative small United Methodist Choctaw church. The services were all held in Choctaw. The language that I don't speak or understand. They spoke choctaw and sang in choctaw and really I never knew what they were saying. I could intuit what was being said so I learned about church by people's actions. Meaning I never heard any ultra conservative language. At Drew there were those who had grown up in conservative churches and who were deeply hurt by it.
I find that interesting. Maybe its not. But I have long held the idea that Christianity should be action over talking. Or in simpler terms, Christian should just shut up.
But you gotta love those rednecks right? I do.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
So What (Seriously I should have been a rock star)
I am in my home office listening to Pink thinking about Politics, economics, dirty dishes and worrying about the fact that I am still in my jammies at 1:00pm. I resolve to be dressed for the day by two. I may even go to my work site. (yes I know it all sounds wrong)
POLITICS: I watched the VP debate too. but I may not be able to watch anymore. Seriously, doesn't it depress you? I used to think that there was a government conspiracy because how else did Bush stay in office but as I go around registering folks to vote, listening to folks talk and buy into what the republicans are saying, as well as listening to smart people not wanting to register to vote because of the failings of the democratic party, I no longer think there was a conspiracy. The American people actually voted to keep Bush in office. And now I am afraid, as I was afraid during the last election. The republicans are going to win.
Of course, the republican party wants people to be afraid. Not for the same reasons that I am afraid. But fear is a powerful motivator. Fear will drive all those survivalists people hiding in the woods but who are registered to vote to get out and vote and they will indeed vote. Fear may be driving me to such stark imagery but can you kinda get what I am saying? Then the people who are not impressed with democrats, who aren't registered to vote anyway, will stay at home making sanctimonious remarks about not having anyone to vote for. And poor Tina Fey will be doomed to play Palin for four years (eight years).
I was an Obama fan early on. I liked him better than Clinton. Though I may have felt better with a Obama/Clinton ticket(I am voting for Obama/Biden) I loved how the idea of Obama becoming president seemed to rally the people. The young people, the non-white community who generally feel voting in elections made no difference, the ones who previously felt that their voices were unheard. Or I watched that Will. I. Am. video too much. But people seemed to find hope in the idea of Obama as president. I loved it. Seeing hope on faces. But then Obama made that remark about small town people during a fundraiser. The guns and religion remark. I will agree that the remark is probably more true than not true but, again all those small town religious gun folk are all registered to vote and they will go out and vote. But not for Obama.
As the heat turns up and political manipulations are getting more desperate...I just don't know. I know perfection is not a reality in dealing with people. But I rather dislike the concept of democracy and of freedom that our country claims we have. Its the reason that many people weren't voting in the first place, they saw through the facade. Its the reason I wasn't voting. But, as I tell folks reluctant to register and vote, that reason wasn't working so its time to try something different. Perhaps if we all just admit that we have a faulty system...?
Some other thoughts: Obama is hugely popular because he is an african american. If he was a white man, would he have made it this far talking about change while having less experience?
Honestly, no. Poor Palin is trying the same trick as a woman. But (I think) its not working as well for her as it is for Obama. So Politics comes down to the devil you know as oppose to the one you don't know. And the American mob is saying we know the republicans.
And I'm afraid.
MONEY
I'm not afraid of the wall street crisis. or by Belgian InBev buying out Budweiser, the great American lager. I am not ignorant of what could happen...I just am not afraid. Granted I don't have any money, stocks, a house or anything. I went to a dinner/theater thing at my Alma Mater Oklahoma City University, sat by strange luck at the same table with the President of OCU, the Bishop of both Oklahoma conferences and the treasurer of the Oklahoma conference. Topics turned to money. The President of OCU, Tom McDaniels asked the Conference Treasurer what he thought. Brian said something about being responsible for either 6 or 10 million dollars of the conference's money. they talk about decisions about building houses about stocks. I listened politely but I don't have any money or a house. My church literally has no money. Am I the lucky one?
Worse comes to worse, we will survive in my conference because the majority of us have no money and we know how to make do. Though I feel bad for Brian and his millions of dollars of responsibility. It makes my stomach hurt to think about it. I actually can't tell if my thinking is off or not. It feels wrong but....
Its almost 2:00pm. I need to go get dressed and make some phone calls.
POLITICS: I watched the VP debate too. but I may not be able to watch anymore. Seriously, doesn't it depress you? I used to think that there was a government conspiracy because how else did Bush stay in office but as I go around registering folks to vote, listening to folks talk and buy into what the republicans are saying, as well as listening to smart people not wanting to register to vote because of the failings of the democratic party, I no longer think there was a conspiracy. The American people actually voted to keep Bush in office. And now I am afraid, as I was afraid during the last election. The republicans are going to win.
Of course, the republican party wants people to be afraid. Not for the same reasons that I am afraid. But fear is a powerful motivator. Fear will drive all those survivalists people hiding in the woods but who are registered to vote to get out and vote and they will indeed vote. Fear may be driving me to such stark imagery but can you kinda get what I am saying? Then the people who are not impressed with democrats, who aren't registered to vote anyway, will stay at home making sanctimonious remarks about not having anyone to vote for. And poor Tina Fey will be doomed to play Palin for four years (eight years).
I was an Obama fan early on. I liked him better than Clinton. Though I may have felt better with a Obama/Clinton ticket(I am voting for Obama/Biden) I loved how the idea of Obama becoming president seemed to rally the people. The young people, the non-white community who generally feel voting in elections made no difference, the ones who previously felt that their voices were unheard. Or I watched that Will. I. Am. video too much. But people seemed to find hope in the idea of Obama as president. I loved it. Seeing hope on faces. But then Obama made that remark about small town people during a fundraiser. The guns and religion remark. I will agree that the remark is probably more true than not true but, again all those small town religious gun folk are all registered to vote and they will go out and vote. But not for Obama.
As the heat turns up and political manipulations are getting more desperate...I just don't know. I know perfection is not a reality in dealing with people. But I rather dislike the concept of democracy and of freedom that our country claims we have. Its the reason that many people weren't voting in the first place, they saw through the facade. Its the reason I wasn't voting. But, as I tell folks reluctant to register and vote, that reason wasn't working so its time to try something different. Perhaps if we all just admit that we have a faulty system...?
Some other thoughts: Obama is hugely popular because he is an african american. If he was a white man, would he have made it this far talking about change while having less experience?
Honestly, no. Poor Palin is trying the same trick as a woman. But (I think) its not working as well for her as it is for Obama. So Politics comes down to the devil you know as oppose to the one you don't know. And the American mob is saying we know the republicans.
And I'm afraid.
MONEY
I'm not afraid of the wall street crisis. or by Belgian InBev buying out Budweiser, the great American lager. I am not ignorant of what could happen...I just am not afraid. Granted I don't have any money, stocks, a house or anything. I went to a dinner/theater thing at my Alma Mater Oklahoma City University, sat by strange luck at the same table with the President of OCU, the Bishop of both Oklahoma conferences and the treasurer of the Oklahoma conference. Topics turned to money. The President of OCU, Tom McDaniels asked the Conference Treasurer what he thought. Brian said something about being responsible for either 6 or 10 million dollars of the conference's money. they talk about decisions about building houses about stocks. I listened politely but I don't have any money or a house. My church literally has no money. Am I the lucky one?
Worse comes to worse, we will survive in my conference because the majority of us have no money and we know how to make do. Though I feel bad for Brian and his millions of dollars of responsibility. It makes my stomach hurt to think about it. I actually can't tell if my thinking is off or not. It feels wrong but....
Its almost 2:00pm. I need to go get dressed and make some phone calls.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
So I went on vacation. It was nice. I went to Tuskahoma where the Oklahoma Choctaws had their labor day festival. Its a Choctaw word "Tushka" meaning "warrior" and "homa" meaning "red". Oklahoma means "red man or red people" I am half Oklahoma Choctaw and half Mississippi Choctaw but I identifiy more with the MS side and I tend to feel a little alien at OK Choctaw things. Its subtle differences, kinda like dialects, I suppose, but its enough to make me feel weird.Actually, now that I think about, I feel out of place with the MS choctaws because most of them speak choctaw and I don't. I fake it really well though. I laugh at the right place when a joke is told...
Anyway, I went camping for 6 days. Granted, it was more luxury camping. I mostly st
ayed in the air conditioned camper and slept, read books and watched movies. I had an allergy attack the first day and I milked it for the next 5. I went my mom, my aunt Bernie and aunt Lu. They are not actual aunts but I have no complaints. Thats aunt Lu on the far right in the purple mumu. She was so funny. She also stayed in the camper until it was evening and then she got all decked out to attend the free concerts. She would come back whooping and hollering. She is one feisty woman.(Huh. Feisty doesn't follow that "'I' before 'E' except after 'C'" rule)
We had little lights on our awning. I had fun. When I did emerge from the camper I went to see dancing choctaws. I don't know how to do any of the dances. I think some of it looks like complicated hopping and I don't really like to hop in an uncomplicated fashion so...its probably best that I am not all that into it...
My main complaint about the Oklahoma Choctaws is that they had a buffalo statue, buffalo rides and a teepee (is that spelled right?) out there. Yeah, we didn't hunt buffalo, or ride them or live in teepees. Its madness and talk about confusing people. They didn't have buffalo rides this year and I have never seen anyone ride a buffalo, so now I am kinda curious how thay did that...buffalos that I have seen are bigger than cars and are just big humps... (you spell buffalo a couple of times and it all looks wrong)
I also went to the choctaw Muesem. Apparently tattoos were more acceptable. And less clothing. I got in trouble from David Wilson (My Boss but kinda not really) because I mentioned in one of my classes I taught this summer that the dress I had was not original but that we (Choctaws) probably wore less clothing. I'm guessing here but its all hot and muggy in Mississippi. But he was mad cause he thinks non-native people think Indians were uncivilized and ran around naked. When I mentioned that we probably did run around mostly naked (again: hot and muggy) he almost blew a vein in his head. Can you say "issues"?
After further conversation which included me suggesting he speak to someone about his nakedness issues because being naked is ok, he now says I shouldn't have even been talking about the topic in my class.
The suggestion that he seek help kinda slipped out so I'm glad that's all he said.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Warning: It gets bitter....
You were warned...
Ok, I finally looked at mapquest. Stony Point is not upstate new York. Sorry Melissa. I think it is like just an hour from NYC. I have a tendency to think NY State just consists of NYC. I forget about the true upstate. I leave tomorrow. 4:00am from Clinton. I have to drive to OKC where my flight leaves at 6:30 ish...
I have to teach a 3-hour class on Native Americans and give a 10 min presentation on my thoughts and feelings on the song "As a Fire Meant for Burning" pg 2237 in The Faith We Sing.
I have written exactly 1 page of the 10 min presentation. I think I figured out why I wait til the last minute to write some of my stuff. If I write it earlier I will rewrite it until its all nice and neat and easy to preach/talk about. I have a bit of a stress headache about my 10 min presentation. Which sounds odd considering I am writing a reflection on a Ruth Duck song. But the thing is, I am also teaching a class on Native Americans and the not so happy history of the church...the relationship with the present day church.
So amid Ruth Duck's (I just love her name. I keep giggling when I say it...) pretty picture of the church's duties/responsibilities...history keeps popping up to keep me from singing Kum Ba Ya.
I think I am frustrated by the picture of what we could be but no one ever talks about what has happened and what needs to happen to get there. Like we can all forget who we are and just be this one big happy glob. I mean, I like her lyrics but its all too pretty. It doesn't mention how crappy this God business can get and even though it can get pretty crappy, crappiness isn't a good enough reason not to keep it up. People tend to want to do mission as a feel good action for themselves. It feels good to help poor little Indians. It feels good when the poor look at us with gratitude. How many people would continue to do mission if it didn't feel so dang good?
I am kinda tired of being everyones mission project and being expected to be grateful when I get mailed a bunch of stuff I can't use because no one bothered to ask what was needed. Being poor sucks. And no, I am not F*&^%^%# grateful. (Apparently females are not suppose to be potty mouths here in Oklahoma)
And I get the feeling that if we sing this song people are going to want to sit in a circle and hold hands, close their eyes and sway. Nothing wrong with that but I am not into that. I don't want to hold any one's hand. My mantra for the weekend "I do not have to hold anyones hand. I do not have to hold anyones hand."
Am I just bitter or do I have point? I am really asking too, if you have a thought you want to share...
Its 8:58 pm I have to go to bed at 10:oopm. I guess I better go write it...
On a happy note, I get to see one of my US-2 classmates. yeah!!!
Ok, I finally looked at mapquest. Stony Point is not upstate new York. Sorry Melissa. I think it is like just an hour from NYC. I have a tendency to think NY State just consists of NYC. I forget about the true upstate. I leave tomorrow. 4:00am from Clinton. I have to drive to OKC where my flight leaves at 6:30 ish...
I have to teach a 3-hour class on Native Americans and give a 10 min presentation on my thoughts and feelings on the song "As a Fire Meant for Burning" pg 2237 in The Faith We Sing.
I have written exactly 1 page of the 10 min presentation. I think I figured out why I wait til the last minute to write some of my stuff. If I write it earlier I will rewrite it until its all nice and neat and easy to preach/talk about. I have a bit of a stress headache about my 10 min presentation. Which sounds odd considering I am writing a reflection on a Ruth Duck song. But the thing is, I am also teaching a class on Native Americans and the not so happy history of the church...the relationship with the present day church.
So amid Ruth Duck's (I just love her name. I keep giggling when I say it...) pretty picture of the church's duties/responsibilities...history keeps popping up to keep me from singing Kum Ba Ya.
I think I am frustrated by the picture of what we could be but no one ever talks about what has happened and what needs to happen to get there. Like we can all forget who we are and just be this one big happy glob. I mean, I like her lyrics but its all too pretty. It doesn't mention how crappy this God business can get and even though it can get pretty crappy, crappiness isn't a good enough reason not to keep it up. People tend to want to do mission as a feel good action for themselves. It feels good to help poor little Indians. It feels good when the poor look at us with gratitude. How many people would continue to do mission if it didn't feel so dang good?
I am kinda tired of being everyones mission project and being expected to be grateful when I get mailed a bunch of stuff I can't use because no one bothered to ask what was needed. Being poor sucks. And no, I am not F*&^%^%# grateful. (Apparently females are not suppose to be potty mouths here in Oklahoma)
And I get the feeling that if we sing this song people are going to want to sit in a circle and hold hands, close their eyes and sway. Nothing wrong with that but I am not into that. I don't want to hold any one's hand. My mantra for the weekend "I do not have to hold anyones hand. I do not have to hold anyones hand."
Am I just bitter or do I have point? I am really asking too, if you have a thought you want to share...
Its 8:58 pm I have to go to bed at 10:oopm. I guess I better go write it...
On a happy note, I get to see one of my US-2 classmates. yeah!!!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Ode to a good machine
Bi-monthly wasn't what I meant in the last post but you know what I meant.
I will be in Stony Point, NY Aug 20 - 24. I have no idea where that is other than its 2 hours-ish from NYC. I'll be flying into LaGuardia. That makes me happy, It'll be just like old times and I am going to try to get into Manhattan for a bagel. I would seriously kill for a NY Bagel. Seriously.
I hesitate to leave my title up there because it sounds vaguely dirty. And more artistic than I am going to be. My Drew laptop died. It just died without warning! Well I suspected that it was about that time to be shopping for a new computer but I thought I still had time. One night I was surfing the web and listening to my extensive music collection and then I pack it up for a visit with my mommy and it was gone.
I took it to a computer geek person who messed with it and said that my hard drive was so corrupted that he couldn't even pull information off of it let alone reboot it. All my music, all my pictures, all my sermons that I have preached in the last year, all my papers from Drew...gone. I could have sent to serious computer people but I was looking at $700.00 dollars at the very least. And that was just to maybe get info off it.
So, I have a new computer. And I am still in the honeymoon phase with it so....
But its not all that bad, I had a chunk of music on my mp3 player and I can redownload music I bought (thank you Jesus!) off the internet and I had a bunch of the pictures saved on the internet. I also have hard copies of the sermons and school work. But I miss my poor little faithful companion who moved back to Oklahoma with me. Yeah, I know, its a bit much but I almost want to cry.
Oh, and I found out that Clinton, the town I live in, doesn't have a movie theater. David, not my boss anymore, had warned me about moving out of Oklahoma City but I had told him I seeking obscurity and thought I could find it in Clinton, but I did not think that meant obsurity meant living without easy access to movies! And to add insult to injury, Pizza Hut doesn't deliver.
But one of the grocery stores carries my favorite brand of frozen pizza. some yellow box company that makes spinach white pizza. And I suppose I get to the City (ha ha, but not new York city) enough to go to movies there.
David, not my boss anymore, is going to NYC tomorrow. I am upset but in an effort to appease me he said he will eat a street corner bagel for me. And I know that he will probably cut it in line or push someone out of the way because he is so impatient while getting the bagel and that makes me happy.
Hey Jon, Steven Colbert talked about the Lambeth thing you are at/went to? It was so funny.
I will be in Stony Point, NY Aug 20 - 24. I have no idea where that is other than its 2 hours-ish from NYC. I'll be flying into LaGuardia. That makes me happy, It'll be just like old times and I am going to try to get into Manhattan for a bagel. I would seriously kill for a NY Bagel. Seriously.
I hesitate to leave my title up there because it sounds vaguely dirty. And more artistic than I am going to be. My Drew laptop died. It just died without warning! Well I suspected that it was about that time to be shopping for a new computer but I thought I still had time. One night I was surfing the web and listening to my extensive music collection and then I pack it up for a visit with my mommy and it was gone.
I took it to a computer geek person who messed with it and said that my hard drive was so corrupted that he couldn't even pull information off of it let alone reboot it. All my music, all my pictures, all my sermons that I have preached in the last year, all my papers from Drew...gone. I could have sent to serious computer people but I was looking at $700.00 dollars at the very least. And that was just to maybe get info off it.
So, I have a new computer. And I am still in the honeymoon phase with it so....
But its not all that bad, I had a chunk of music on my mp3 player and I can redownload music I bought (thank you Jesus!) off the internet and I had a bunch of the pictures saved on the internet. I also have hard copies of the sermons and school work. But I miss my poor little faithful companion who moved back to Oklahoma with me. Yeah, I know, its a bit much but I almost want to cry.
Oh, and I found out that Clinton, the town I live in, doesn't have a movie theater. David, not my boss anymore, had warned me about moving out of Oklahoma City but I had told him I seeking obscurity and thought I could find it in Clinton, but I did not think that meant obsurity meant living without easy access to movies! And to add insult to injury, Pizza Hut doesn't deliver.
But one of the grocery stores carries my favorite brand of frozen pizza. some yellow box company that makes spinach white pizza. And I suppose I get to the City (ha ha, but not new York city) enough to go to movies there.
David, not my boss anymore, is going to NYC tomorrow. I am upset but in an effort to appease me he said he will eat a street corner bagel for me. And I know that he will probably cut it in line or push someone out of the way because he is so impatient while getting the bagel and that makes me happy.
Hey Jon, Steven Colbert talked about the Lambeth thing you are at/went to? It was so funny.
Friday, August 1, 2008
What I do
I actually kind of like it when I can't truly explain my job. When I worked in the young adult office in Missions personnel at GBGM, my older brother would call every other month to ask me what I actually did there. It was a little complicated but basically I was an advocte for young adults in 4 different young adult missions programs. I was one of several go-to-people for them. We recruited, interviewed, selected, trained and assigned young people for the programs...and then some. We lost our executive and our administrative assistant so we sorta filled in those spots as well. Easy to understand right? My favorite part of the job was that I lived a huge chunk of the time in Atlanta, GA. Where we used to train our people. My favorite city with my favorite airport.
Well, now I live in Clinton, OK. Population of just under 9,000. I work for GBGM again (The General Board of Global Ministries of the United Methodist Church) as a Church & Community worker. The church I served has been accepted as a chruch and community site. Basically I am there to bridge the church and community. Outside of Sunday morning worship. According to my US-2 missionary training, I am there to work myself out of a job. I am to insure that the community becomes invested and takes ownerchip of the church & community center. If I am unable to work myself out of a job then I failed as a missionary. God, I loved my US-2 training!
What do I do? Well, I am a trying to figure that out. I am in the process of assesing needs and trying to get the Cheyenne/Arapaho tribe interested in using our building for their programs for the community. I met with people of tribe and found out that tribe is already interested in more programs for the particular community the church is in, but didn't have a place in the community. But I can't connect with the people who could make it happen, that way I am not recreating programs that already exist. And they have more people to do these things.
I am also the pastor of the Clinton Indian United Methodist Church. When I was explaining to the kids about being a church and community center, one of the kid's primary concern was that the church part of it would really remain a church. The former adults have expressed interest as well. So I am trying to figure out the best use of the space we have for everything. And who will be preaching if I am out raising money for the center on Sunday morning.
I am also still on the ordination track. I am still apart of OIMC. And I have been to two more funerals for pastors. Our pastors are dying too fast. One was a retired pastor a couple of weeks ago and the one on Wednesday was just 52. She died of cancer. She waited to go to the doctor and when she finally went it was too late. She was given 6 months to live. My mom and I went to see her and her husband at her home the Wednesday before; we were on our way to MO to teach at their school of mission. She was in pain and hadn't eaten in a week. The hospital had sent her home to die so her husband was caring for her with a home nurse stopping in every couple of days. Her husband is a lay missioner in our conference. When we were there it seemed like it had just hit him. About his wife really not being there much longer. It was heartwrenching and I still can't process it. Her not being here anymore.
The retired pastor who died a couple of weeks ago, had lupis which I understand is very painful. She also had tuberculosis. So I have been meaning to get another skin test done. My mom and I also went to see her in the hospital in TX. She was also in so much pain. She watched me grow up but I was closer to her former husband as a child. He was also a pastor. He was one of my favorite people because he enjoyed my company and talked to me and would buy me candy and stuff like that. He had died when I was 12. She became a pastor herself and remarried. I just remember her current husband's face as well as her daughter's from her first marriage. The devestation. The daughter was the only left now that her mom was gone. Her sisters and brothers had all died years ago, as well as her father. Its hard to process this as well. It seems so very sureal. I was a pallbearer for her.
We had also just buried another retired pastor who had cancer. I think he had found out he had cancer but it was so far advanced they just gave him about 2 months. I have been trying to deal with all of that and trying not to drag everyone I know to the doctor for checkups.
Well, I do a host of other random things, like teaching at schools of mission and preaching at other churches. I accepted an invitation to preach this Sunday before I got too comfortable not preaching. Enjoying the not preaching made me nervous. Weird, right?
I will be in upstate NY in Aug. In a couple of weeks in fact. I think I am flying in to NYC. I am teaching at the missionary conference there. I still have the kids on Sunday and Thursday nights. I am aslo trying to get people on the center's board and have our first board meeting at the end of them month.
Other than that, I kinda make up the other parts of my job since I am the only on there. That part of my job I truly dislike. Working by myself. Sometimes I am doing all this stuff and then on top of that, I have to motive myself to keep going when it feels like no one would notice if I just stayed in bed all day. Actually no one would notice if I stayed in bed all day. David, my conference superintendent, my boss but not my boss anymore, calls me a lot, I think to make sure I am still there and have not moved back to NJ. I am thinking of asking him to retire and move to Clinton and help me do this. But I am sure it will not always be like this. I will absorb into the community and town and find local help. The people in town as all friendly so...I am expecting the bi-monthly calls from my brother about what I do to start soon.
Well, now I live in Clinton, OK. Population of just under 9,000. I work for GBGM again (The General Board of Global Ministries of the United Methodist Church) as a Church & Community worker. The church I served has been accepted as a chruch and community site. Basically I am there to bridge the church and community. Outside of Sunday morning worship. According to my US-2 missionary training, I am there to work myself out of a job. I am to insure that the community becomes invested and takes ownerchip of the church & community center. If I am unable to work myself out of a job then I failed as a missionary. God, I loved my US-2 training!
What do I do? Well, I am a trying to figure that out. I am in the process of assesing needs and trying to get the Cheyenne/Arapaho tribe interested in using our building for their programs for the community. I met with people of tribe and found out that tribe is already interested in more programs for the particular community the church is in, but didn't have a place in the community. But I can't connect with the people who could make it happen, that way I am not recreating programs that already exist. And they have more people to do these things.
I am also the pastor of the Clinton Indian United Methodist Church. When I was explaining to the kids about being a church and community center, one of the kid's primary concern was that the church part of it would really remain a church. The former adults have expressed interest as well. So I am trying to figure out the best use of the space we have for everything. And who will be preaching if I am out raising money for the center on Sunday morning.
I am also still on the ordination track. I am still apart of OIMC. And I have been to two more funerals for pastors. Our pastors are dying too fast. One was a retired pastor a couple of weeks ago and the one on Wednesday was just 52. She died of cancer. She waited to go to the doctor and when she finally went it was too late. She was given 6 months to live. My mom and I went to see her and her husband at her home the Wednesday before; we were on our way to MO to teach at their school of mission. She was in pain and hadn't eaten in a week. The hospital had sent her home to die so her husband was caring for her with a home nurse stopping in every couple of days. Her husband is a lay missioner in our conference. When we were there it seemed like it had just hit him. About his wife really not being there much longer. It was heartwrenching and I still can't process it. Her not being here anymore.
The retired pastor who died a couple of weeks ago, had lupis which I understand is very painful. She also had tuberculosis. So I have been meaning to get another skin test done. My mom and I also went to see her in the hospital in TX. She was also in so much pain. She watched me grow up but I was closer to her former husband as a child. He was also a pastor. He was one of my favorite people because he enjoyed my company and talked to me and would buy me candy and stuff like that. He had died when I was 12. She became a pastor herself and remarried. I just remember her current husband's face as well as her daughter's from her first marriage. The devestation. The daughter was the only left now that her mom was gone. Her sisters and brothers had all died years ago, as well as her father. Its hard to process this as well. It seems so very sureal. I was a pallbearer for her.
We had also just buried another retired pastor who had cancer. I think he had found out he had cancer but it was so far advanced they just gave him about 2 months. I have been trying to deal with all of that and trying not to drag everyone I know to the doctor for checkups.
Well, I do a host of other random things, like teaching at schools of mission and preaching at other churches. I accepted an invitation to preach this Sunday before I got too comfortable not preaching. Enjoying the not preaching made me nervous. Weird, right?
I will be in upstate NY in Aug. In a couple of weeks in fact. I think I am flying in to NYC. I am teaching at the missionary conference there. I still have the kids on Sunday and Thursday nights. I am aslo trying to get people on the center's board and have our first board meeting at the end of them month.
Other than that, I kinda make up the other parts of my job since I am the only on there. That part of my job I truly dislike. Working by myself. Sometimes I am doing all this stuff and then on top of that, I have to motive myself to keep going when it feels like no one would notice if I just stayed in bed all day. Actually no one would notice if I stayed in bed all day. David, my conference superintendent, my boss but not my boss anymore, calls me a lot, I think to make sure I am still there and have not moved back to NJ. I am thinking of asking him to retire and move to Clinton and help me do this. But I am sure it will not always be like this. I will absorb into the community and town and find local help. The people in town as all friendly so...I am expecting the bi-monthly calls from my brother about what I do to start soon.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Careful
I am in the process of moving. Well, the tail end of it now. I moved, with the help of my brother, all my furniture from OKC to Clinton. And in the midst of unpacking, yet again, I lost this thing. This roll of weather strip, the stuff that you put in the door to seal drafts and such. Two days again I was annoyed at myself because it seemed like I bought umpteen rolls of the stuff but today I was noticed a draft by the front door and now I cannot find a single roll of the stuff.
Today is the 3rd or 4th Sunday that I have not preached. And it feels so good. I also haven't been to church in 3 or 4 Sundays. I haven't read my Bible or the lectionary in that time. Granted I have been in the state of turmoil and chaos over moving, getting paid (or not getting paid) and trying to put together a board . I was starting to worry about my lack of church desire because if I remember correctly it took about 4 or 6 months at Drew before I started to miss it. It may have been a year. I don't think my reprieve will last that long. Eventually I will have to start visiting churches for fundraising stuff. But for now I am so happen about not having to do the whole sermon preperation.
I used to dread Sunday mornings. I would toss and turn all night on Saturdays and then almost refuse to get up to write the sermon on Sundays. That was another thing. I absolutely could not get myself to write my sermon before Sunday Morning. I would try to plan it on Mondays and then plan to finish writing it by Wenesday so I could do rewrites and so forth. But they never seemed to come til Sunday Mornings. I wasn't really like this in school. It may have been rewrites the night before but I would never wait till 2 hours before.
I think its the having to preach every Sunday that gets to me. I don't have enough recovery time between Sundays. It takes a lot out of me to preach. When I preach the way I want to, at the end its like everything in me is emptied out. But if I preach like that every Sunday, I would get burned out so, part the lack of disciple is self-defense. And it takes a lot of nerve to preach what does come on Sunday Mornings. Sometimes I would sit in my chair behind the pulpit and have to talk my self into preaching during Sunday Morning worship. It would be because I realised that my topic or an example in my sermon may hit a person a little more strongly than I am comfortable with. I decided to preach about death on Sunday but then during the worship part this young woman walked in with her family. She had lost her mother the week before and I didn't want to be insensitive to her pain. I had figured she would be with her family in a different town because of the funeral. But there she was and that death sermon wanted to be preached that day. That took a lot of convincing to get in the pulpit that day. Well, anyway this is a welcome break from all that worry for a little bit.
The title is a Guster song that I like. Now I have to go find that thing I lost.
Today is the 3rd or 4th Sunday that I have not preached. And it feels so good. I also haven't been to church in 3 or 4 Sundays. I haven't read my Bible or the lectionary in that time. Granted I have been in the state of turmoil and chaos over moving, getting paid (or not getting paid) and trying to put together a board . I was starting to worry about my lack of church desire because if I remember correctly it took about 4 or 6 months at Drew before I started to miss it. It may have been a year. I don't think my reprieve will last that long. Eventually I will have to start visiting churches for fundraising stuff. But for now I am so happen about not having to do the whole sermon preperation.
I used to dread Sunday mornings. I would toss and turn all night on Saturdays and then almost refuse to get up to write the sermon on Sundays. That was another thing. I absolutely could not get myself to write my sermon before Sunday Morning. I would try to plan it on Mondays and then plan to finish writing it by Wenesday so I could do rewrites and so forth. But they never seemed to come til Sunday Mornings. I wasn't really like this in school. It may have been rewrites the night before but I would never wait till 2 hours before.
I think its the having to preach every Sunday that gets to me. I don't have enough recovery time between Sundays. It takes a lot out of me to preach. When I preach the way I want to, at the end its like everything in me is emptied out. But if I preach like that every Sunday, I would get burned out so, part the lack of disciple is self-defense. And it takes a lot of nerve to preach what does come on Sunday Mornings. Sometimes I would sit in my chair behind the pulpit and have to talk my self into preaching during Sunday Morning worship. It would be because I realised that my topic or an example in my sermon may hit a person a little more strongly than I am comfortable with. I decided to preach about death on Sunday but then during the worship part this young woman walked in with her family. She had lost her mother the week before and I didn't want to be insensitive to her pain. I had figured she would be with her family in a different town because of the funeral. But there she was and that death sermon wanted to be preached that day. That took a lot of convincing to get in the pulpit that day. Well, anyway this is a welcome break from all that worry for a little bit.
The title is a Guster song that I like. Now I have to go find that thing I lost.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Too many days @ the Beach
By the way, this is church and community center that I work at in Clinton, Oklahoma. I live in Clinton, now. Birthplace of Toby Keith. Its not all that bad, the people are friendly. They all do that two finger wave from the steering wheel when you pass them on the streets. If you have ever lived in the country, you know what that means. I kinda like it, though I do the whole hand wave back to them.Well, VBS is done for one more year!!! Thank you Jesus. Our VBS lasts only three days but I swear. me and the two other teachers almost didn't make it past two days
.JPG)
This my teacher for the older elementry. ----->
.JPG)
This my teacher for the older elementry. -----> I kept trying to tell him that maybe he wanted to teach the early elementry class because of these 4 boys. But he insisted. I peeked in on his class on the second day and it looked like a circus in there. There was bits of paper flying around and he looked stunned. I did warn him.
This is a couple of the early elementary class, my class. They really got into the beach theme. I think they kinda got shafted because i kept going to check on the other teachers to make sure they were still alive. I split the classes up this year. .JPG)
Last year I just had one big group and it was ok but splitting them up was better. They said they had fun though.
.JPG)
Last year I just had one big group and it was ok but splitting them up was better. They said they had fun though. My mom was the other teacher. I have no pictures of her because she pretty much hid when it was time to for them to come back together as a group. She was probably curled up in a ball whimpering after each class.
She had the preshoolers.
<----This is Sade, one of the clowns in my mom's class. She is three. I think she is so adorable but I am very glad she is not my kid. Last year at VBS she threw this hissy fit like you would not believe! At two, she had not quite grasped the concept of sharing and taking turns. She has improved greatly.
I barely heard her crying this year.
She had the preshoolers.<----This is Sade, one of the clowns in my mom's class. She is three. I think she is so adorable but I am very glad she is not my kid. Last year at VBS she threw this hissy fit like you would not believe! At two, she had not quite grasped the concept of sharing and taking turns. She has improved greatly.
I barely heard her crying this year.This next one, is Kamarie. She is adorable too. Four years old. Her older brother and sister come to the church as well. As the third kid out of four, she has a baby brother, she is used to whining as a way of life. And its contagious, we all end up whining after an hour with her. ------------------>
The last one is Katie. She is so smart. She is four too and has an impressive way of speaking to people. I guess her family doesn't speak down to her. So she is more like a short adult. With a bit of a lisp. They are cute but I am glad its over. 
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Rules and Guidelines
So, I have a lot of rules in my head. Life tends to be easier for me that way. For instance, rules about who says the mealtime prayer. General rule: If you bought the meal for everyone or if you prepared it, you can be exempt from blessing the food because you need to be blessed for the work you did with the food. After all you can't very well bless yourself, right?
And I have a rule that for every can of diet soda I drink, I have to drink two glasses of water. When buying clothes, I need to have bonded with the article in question or I can't buy it. Meaning I have to carry it around the store and then see if I 'feel' something about it when it is time to go. I find that if I have bonded with an article of clothing then I am more likely to wear it so I don't end up buying something for the sake of buying it.
And booty calls start at 11:00pm. I actually modified that one. It used to be ten. The rule of not calling people after ten is still in effect but the hour between 10:00 and 11:00 can't truly be considered a booty call. Just rude, even if it is an emergency. And there are lots more...
Now, you might get the impression that I am neat, organized and orderly but you would be wrong. I am a total slob. But if I didn't make up rules and/or guidelines, I would get overwhelmed in my life and be reduced to doing nothing because I wouldn't know what to do. And there was probably a simpler way to explain that.
I just like having rules because then you know what is expected and when you share rules, others know what you expect of them. Things are less messy. Having said that, I don't always choose to follow my rules everytime though I generally end up falling back on them. I also have a hard time following others rules and I am not sure why that is.
I bring all this up because my former roommate, Melissa has a rule of not forgetting roommates b-days. And I didn't. I just forgot where I was in the time continuum. Melissa and I were roommates at Drew and we had a list of rules posted for us and guests to our apt. Including one about no peeing in garbage cans. And no sex on the couch. No bartering roommates for beer. And no taking Jennifer up on her offers of exploratory surgery. No one had tried to pee in the garbage cans or have sex on the couch, but I figured it should be stated as a cautionary measure. I sorta accidently tried to trade Melissa for some beer and someone actually tried to agreed to my offer of exploratory surgery.
I miss those days. :) I miss Melissa. Happy Late Birthday. I hope you had a great day out in the woods.
And I have a rule that for every can of diet soda I drink, I have to drink two glasses of water. When buying clothes, I need to have bonded with the article in question or I can't buy it. Meaning I have to carry it around the store and then see if I 'feel' something about it when it is time to go. I find that if I have bonded with an article of clothing then I am more likely to wear it so I don't end up buying something for the sake of buying it.
And booty calls start at 11:00pm. I actually modified that one. It used to be ten. The rule of not calling people after ten is still in effect but the hour between 10:00 and 11:00 can't truly be considered a booty call. Just rude, even if it is an emergency. And there are lots more...
Now, you might get the impression that I am neat, organized and orderly but you would be wrong. I am a total slob. But if I didn't make up rules and/or guidelines, I would get overwhelmed in my life and be reduced to doing nothing because I wouldn't know what to do. And there was probably a simpler way to explain that.
I just like having rules because then you know what is expected and when you share rules, others know what you expect of them. Things are less messy. Having said that, I don't always choose to follow my rules everytime though I generally end up falling back on them. I also have a hard time following others rules and I am not sure why that is.
I bring all this up because my former roommate, Melissa has a rule of not forgetting roommates b-days. And I didn't. I just forgot where I was in the time continuum. Melissa and I were roommates at Drew and we had a list of rules posted for us and guests to our apt. Including one about no peeing in garbage cans. And no sex on the couch. No bartering roommates for beer. And no taking Jennifer up on her offers of exploratory surgery. No one had tried to pee in the garbage cans or have sex on the couch, but I figured it should be stated as a cautionary measure. I sorta accidently tried to trade Melissa for some beer and someone actually tried to agreed to my offer of exploratory surgery.
I miss those days. :) I miss Melissa. Happy Late Birthday. I hope you had a great day out in the woods.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Annual Conference
I am finally back home again. The first part of June I was in Antlers, OK where it was so insanely hot, for Annual Conference. Our annual conferences are held in open air tabernacles. We rotate between three places, campgrounds. One in Antlers, one near Anadarko and one in Preston. The one near Anadarko is called Hog Creek. I always encourage friends to get married there. I think seeing the words Hog Creek in gold script on a wedding invitation would be so funny. I, myself, plan to get married, if I ever get married, at Preston and have my funeral service at Antlers.
This is a picture of the tabernacle at Antlers. My Mom and I got there a day early while the SE region people were still working on the grounds. We went into the front part of the tabernacle and there was this huge hairy thing on the ground. My mom walked past it but I stopped and said is that a fake spider? She looked at it and said, of course it is. Then it moved. It was an huge tarantula!!! I was busy freaking out to take a picture. The people from there were like "it won't hurt you" and then a woman got a broom and swept it out. My mom and I were like "kill it, kill it. it'll come back if you don't kill it."
So, at annual conference I was appointed to extension ministry at Clinton Church and Community Center!! As of June 27, I am a Church and Community Worker! So I don't have a church per se, but I spent my first Sunday preaching at a tiny little church outside of Okmulgee. I had planned to spend the day in bed until 3:00pm when I needed to get on the road to Clinton. Oh well.
I am trying to move to Clinton. I just got a phone call saying I was approved for the apartment I looked at last week. Moving kinda sucks. Its only suppose to be for about 6 months while work is being done on the Clinton Parsonage. But the house is considered un-live-able and condemned so I do not have high hopes for it. But I am so ready to stay still. I cannot wait til they fix the house or decide to get a new one ("they" is my conference) I want to plant flowers and sit in my back yard and get a cat. I should be there for about 8 - 10 years. So that is staying pretty still considering 3 years is the longest I have lived in one dwelling. And that was at Drew.
I have moved quite a bit in my life and I am ready to settle down.
I also went to Kansas. Southwestern College. Where I went to UMW's regional school of mission where I got certified to teach in MS. About Indians. We are the flavor of the year with the UMW. So I have 6 hours to teach 35-50 people everything Indian. Yeah, I don't know what to say to that either.
Then I attended a funeral for one of our retired pastors of OIMC. In our conference, if a pastor or pastor spouse dies it is customary for all clergy to attend. It was way out in the woods though. Think: copperheads and rattlesnakes. Bleh. Nature is not fun. But it was a really nice service. It makes me sad. When my mom dragged me to funerals as a child, I rarely knew who the dead people were but now I do. I remember seeing this guy and his wife all the time when I was growing up.
Times are changing quickly and I don't' look forward to it. My mom thinks that as soon as a few more of the "old guard" dies that the "young people" will close in the open air tabernacles and install air conditioning. Young people not as me or my age but the late 40s and early 50s group. I can't decide what I think about it. Tradition over creature comforts. Or perhaps it is something we need to do. I prefer the way we have always done it but...
I am home again, in air conditioning, thinking about lunch. I am happy to home again. I move later this week and I have not packed. But its all good.
This is a picture of the tabernacle at Antlers. My Mom and I got there a day early while the SE region people were still working on the grounds. We went into the front part of the tabernacle and there was this huge hairy thing on the ground. My mom walked past it but I stopped and said is that a fake spider? She looked at it and said, of course it is. Then it moved. It was an huge tarantula!!! I was busy freaking out to take a picture. The people from there were like "it won't hurt you" and then a woman got a broom and swept it out. My mom and I were like "kill it, kill it. it'll come back if you don't kill it."
So, at annual conference I was appointed to extension ministry at Clinton Church and Community Center!! As of June 27, I am a Church and Community Worker! So I don't have a church per se, but I spent my first Sunday preaching at a tiny little church outside of Okmulgee. I had planned to spend the day in bed until 3:00pm when I needed to get on the road to Clinton. Oh well.
I am trying to move to Clinton. I just got a phone call saying I was approved for the apartment I looked at last week. Moving kinda sucks. Its only suppose to be for about 6 months while work is being done on the Clinton Parsonage. But the house is considered un-live-able and condemned so I do not have high hopes for it. But I am so ready to stay still. I cannot wait til they fix the house or decide to get a new one ("they" is my conference) I want to plant flowers and sit in my back yard and get a cat. I should be there for about 8 - 10 years. So that is staying pretty still considering 3 years is the longest I have lived in one dwelling. And that was at Drew.
I have moved quite a bit in my life and I am ready to settle down.
I also went to Kansas. Southwestern College. Where I went to UMW's regional school of mission where I got certified to teach in MS. About Indians. We are the flavor of the year with the UMW. So I have 6 hours to teach 35-50 people everything Indian. Yeah, I don't know what to say to that either.
Then I attended a funeral for one of our retired pastors of OIMC. In our conference, if a pastor or pastor spouse dies it is customary for all clergy to attend. It was way out in the woods though. Think: copperheads and rattlesnakes. Bleh. Nature is not fun. But it was a really nice service. It makes me sad. When my mom dragged me to funerals as a child, I rarely knew who the dead people were but now I do. I remember seeing this guy and his wife all the time when I was growing up.
Times are changing quickly and I don't' look forward to it. My mom thinks that as soon as a few more of the "old guard" dies that the "young people" will close in the open air tabernacles and install air conditioning. Young people not as me or my age but the late 40s and early 50s group. I can't decide what I think about it. Tradition over creature comforts. Or perhaps it is something we need to do. I prefer the way we have always done it but...
I am home again, in air conditioning, thinking about lunch. I am happy to home again. I move later this week and I have not packed. But its all good.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Sermon Fear
Its still the month of May. I would have felt bad if I had missed a month.
I was invited to preach at Student Forum on Memorial day weekend. It was...interesting to say the least. It was held in Washington DC, at American University. I had no idea that American University was a United Methodist School. The things you learn. I was excited to get this oportunity to speak but then I wrote my sermon and I was scared of it.
I never hear other people talk about their sermons this way. That they are scared of them. I wonder if I am truly just a scaredy cat or if people just don't say anything. I was scared of mine because it was a sermon meant to challenge the young people and their desire to change the church. And in my mind it was a bit....something. I would rather it be a realistic challenge as oppose to me on my high horse...
I was scared of my sermon. I talked about racism, love, change, the past, clear sight and trajectories. Which is always scary talking about such things. So maybe its not strange that I was scared of it.
I also preached in front of Bishop John Schol. I have never preached in front of a bishop before. He decided to make an appearance on my night to speak. I freaked out when worship leader Delyn told me. We then both decided that he would probably say hello then sneak out as important people often do. He did not. I was sitting up front behind the pulpit which was the kind that you have to use stairs to get into. I keep peeking around the pulpit to see if he had left. He never did. When I preaching up there, I noticed that his eyes were closed from time to time. I may have put a Bishop to sleep. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm kinda proud of that. Or I am proud that I kept waking him up. Well here is my sermon. It sounded better outloud.
Mark 12:29-31
Our scriptures, the Condensed version:
JC says: Or as my Systematic Theology professor calls him, Dr JC
Dr JC says
Love God with heart, mind, soul.
Love yourself
Love your neighbor
Yes, I put yourself before neighbor because the sentence love the neighbor as yourself sort of implies that you should already know how to love you and because you know how to love you, you should be able to know how to love the neighbor.
Love God with heart, mind and soul
Love yourself,
Love your neighbor.
And just to give you a heads up. I am abrupt. I began abruptly, I rarely segue well and usually I end just as abruptly.
The scripture that was picked turned out to be difficult. The simplicity of Jesus words had complex ramifications. Jesus ended up crucified, the disciples, also tortured and killed, the followers, Christians hunted down, tortured, thrown in jail, feed to the lions to entertain roman masses and killed.
Love God with heart, mind and soul
Love yourself
Love the neighbor
Simple words, simple concept but thinking of the history of Christianity of the history of Christianity in the United States alone, if it is so simple, why can’t we simply do it? Why haven’t we got the hang of it yet?
Love God
Love yourself
Love the neighbor
When I was a child, I loved going to church. The church I grew up in was a small Indian church of 30 or 40 members, many of whom were my family members, way out in the woods. The services were in the Choctaw language and they had Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night services, and every 5th Sunday they had all day services and singing. There was even a hog killing cabin so there would be fresh meat for the 5th Sunday.
When I was four, I decided I wanted to be a missionary when I grew up. In my four year old mind, a missionary was simply one who works with the church. When I got older and I learned about what some missionaries, what the church and what the government did to native people, I was embarrassed about my four year old ambition.
But it wasn’t until Seminary that I got mad. Sitting in Church history I listened to stories of the removal and of slavery and the church’s role in all of it. I was mad and sick the listening to the church’s bloody history. I read a story of an Jewish man who was angry at God about the Holocaust. He said, “Even God cannot undo the past” and I agreed with him. Even God could not undo what had been done. And I wrestled because I knew God had called me. I told God that I wasn't going to go back home to Oklahoma, to the Oklahoma Indian Missionary Conference as an agent of the Institutional church that to this day doesn't seem to want to understand racism, study racism. They don’t want to explore the history of racism in the institution, and to tell them to forgive the church. How was I suppose to tell them to forgive when I couldn't. And I would not forgive what the church did.
I went to Africa, Ghana for my cross cultural credits at Drew. We visited two of 24 slave castles. We were led from room to room, led into the almost airless dungeons underground. The tour guide talked about the atrocities that happened there and he also told that the surrounding village of El Mina, he said they didn't remember what had happened there. They went on and lived their lives with no memory of the horror.
When I heard that my first thought was “Oh I understand that. What happened here was so bad, it was so horrendous that nothing anybody did was ever going to put it right, to fix it, and to insure no one tries to fix it, we will tell people we do not remember.” I don’t know if that is what they thought, maybe they really just forgot, but as I walked back to our tour bus, looking at the faces of the young people trying to sell us things, coming from a background of cultural collective memory myself, I don't think they have forgotten.
I came back to the US, and thought about the people of El Mina and I thought about Native people all trapped in some sort of loop of pain and horror that generation after generation is forced to live out. Something had to be done but I refused to forgive. Despite my best effort and considerable will power, I ended up with two churches in Oklahoma on the ordination track. The first church offered to me was a church that had dwindled down to two little girls. I said no, but I remembered my home church and how I loved going to church. I couldn't imagine what my life would be like if there had been no church. I said yes. I figured the two girls weren't going to expect me to preach, probably Sunday school type stuff.
As I started going, in the back of my mind I began thinking of the things the church had gotten wrong with Indian people. I thought, this church will not ever tell these kids that they are not welcome. They will learn about a God that loves every cultural bit of them. They will here that their culture, their language, their brown skin is a gift from God. The church is not perfect, but I am the church too and I will change what the church means in these little kids lives. As long as I am here the church will not hurt them.
I went from 2 to about 15 and about 30 on holidays. Which is a lot considering I am the only adult most of the time. Strangely the kids turned out to be quite demanding about communion. They understood the meaning of it and they liked taking communion. Most of the kids live with a 3 block radius of the church and sometimes they drag me home with them to meet parents and to see where they live. The kids just show up, no parents brings them, if they see my car in the parking lot they all come running over.
The church in the middle of a Cheyenne/Arapaho community. My kids are mostly Cheyenne/Arapaho. The Cheyenne and Arapaho people are the people of the Sand Creek Massacre, where a village of the people were killed under the leadership of Colonel Chivington who was also a Methodist Minister. One of the pastor of OIMC, his great, great grandparents escaped the Sand Creek massacre only to be killed four years later at the Massacre of the Washita in 1868. The site of this massacre is just northwest of where the church is.
The church and the government’s involvement in the removal, in the boarding schools, in the relocation acts, in trying to kill the Indian and save the man, well, neither have a good reputation in Oklahoma. I figure this is why adults aren't coming to the church.
They are also sun dance ceremonial people, and the church, even the Indians churches haven’t always been supportive of culture. Some of our Indian churches are still living out the harsh rules and regulations of the missionaries that taught them and think Native culture is wrong.
But I like to think that what I am doing with the kids, my determination that they learn of a God who thinks they are special and extraordinary, what goes on there is helping undo some of the past. I think of what that Jewish man said about “Even God not being able to undo the past” I had agreed with him at the time but now, I think its possible to undo the past. Or to break the hold the past can have on a person. By breaking the hold of the past has on you, you are then able to change the trajectory of where you were heading to someplace different.
It was in working with the kids helped change the trajectory of where that church was headed which was to be closed down and now it is in the process of becoming a church and community center through GBGM. I like to think its helping change the trajectory of where the kids are headed because it has helped change the trajectory of where I was headed.
Because in the midst of it all, I think I figured out how to forgive the church. To be honest, I was disappointed when I realized it because that is not what I intended to do. But its not there anymore, its gone. What helped it go was that I keep thinking, I am the church too and I’ll do something different.
Doing something different. There is this singer, this rap star, Akon, who has a song where he talks about the many things he has done wrong and he says he is sorry for all of it and then he apologizes for things that have happen that wasn't his fault but he knows that some has to take the blame so he says you can blame him. It kills me that this random guy, random rap singer, understands and grasps the value of saying "I am sorry", of taking the blame even when he feels it is not his fault but knows that someone has too when the church cannot or will not understand. It kills me.
Christians, are we are so full of pride in what we are, we are so sure that we are right in what we are doing that the idea of being wrong, the idea of needing to say "I’m sorry" never enters our minds? The rap guy was willing to take the blame for things that he didn't do, doesn't that remind you of someone else? Who else took the blame for things he did not do and died on the cross? A rap guy found a way to be more Christ-like and the church has not.
Church, if you want to change, Then do something different. It begins with you. Love God with your mind and study. Study the past in order to understand our present, how we got here, how the church came to its present state and where we are headed. Study the evolution of our understanding of God and God’s will for the people. Study the mistakes the church made and study what the church got right. Study so that we can understand and know what part of the Church’s past is holding on to us and won’t let us change. What do we need to address in order for the past to let go of us? So that we can change the trajectory of where our church is headed.
Love God with your heart and your soul. Let your heart be like Jesus’ heart. The compassion, the love for the people, and in the case of the syro-phenisian woman, the ability and willingness to learn. Live out what you are learning with your mind and with your heart. Live it out. Let your actions prove you are a follower of Christ and not your words. Let us be inspired where Jesus took the blame because he knew someone had to. Even though he wasn't to blame. Its not going to be easy, I won’t lie to you, Jesus sat in the garden of Gethsemane and prayed to God and asked if there was some other way.
We are the church, all of us here, So church, let us take responsibility, let us take the blame, Let us be courageous and do what the church has been unable to do before. Let us look at the past, let us say I am sorry and let us work to change the trajectory of where we are going. But the cost of discipleship is high, so count the cost, do not go into this blind, count the cost of what it means to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. Of being Christ- like.
And before I close I would like to add more thing. you know, our Gospel lesson is taken from Mark, I have a great fondness for Mark. The Gospel of Mark is thought to be the earliest gospel written.[1] Even though it is after Matthew. And it is also thought that the author of the Gospel of Mark ended his story of Jesus at chapter 16:8
“And the women came out and ran away from the tomb because they were frightened out their wits; and they said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid.” [2]
The story is thought to have ended at the empty tomb. Some bibles will mention this and leave a space between verse 8 and the verse 9. Mark’s ending seems to be a warning and encouragement to the followers of Jesus and the church. The story will end here if you have no faith.
Church, our story is not over. Even when we have done everything humanly possible, our story will not be over if we have faith. So let us gather up our courage, gather up our faith and let us begin our work.
[1] Matera, Frank J. New Testament Christology. Louisville, KY: Westminster Jon Knox. Pg 5.
[2] The New Jerusalem Bible. NY: American Bible Society, 1985.
I was invited to preach at Student Forum on Memorial day weekend. It was...interesting to say the least. It was held in Washington DC, at American University. I had no idea that American University was a United Methodist School. The things you learn. I was excited to get this oportunity to speak but then I wrote my sermon and I was scared of it.
I never hear other people talk about their sermons this way. That they are scared of them. I wonder if I am truly just a scaredy cat or if people just don't say anything. I was scared of mine because it was a sermon meant to challenge the young people and their desire to change the church. And in my mind it was a bit....something. I would rather it be a realistic challenge as oppose to me on my high horse...
I was scared of my sermon. I talked about racism, love, change, the past, clear sight and trajectories. Which is always scary talking about such things. So maybe its not strange that I was scared of it.
I also preached in front of Bishop John Schol. I have never preached in front of a bishop before. He decided to make an appearance on my night to speak. I freaked out when worship leader Delyn told me. We then both decided that he would probably say hello then sneak out as important people often do. He did not. I was sitting up front behind the pulpit which was the kind that you have to use stairs to get into. I keep peeking around the pulpit to see if he had left. He never did. When I preaching up there, I noticed that his eyes were closed from time to time. I may have put a Bishop to sleep. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm kinda proud of that. Or I am proud that I kept waking him up. Well here is my sermon. It sounded better outloud.
Mark 12:29-31
Our scriptures, the Condensed version:
JC says: Or as my Systematic Theology professor calls him, Dr JC
Dr JC says
Love God with heart, mind, soul.
Love yourself
Love your neighbor
Yes, I put yourself before neighbor because the sentence love the neighbor as yourself sort of implies that you should already know how to love you and because you know how to love you, you should be able to know how to love the neighbor.
Love God with heart, mind and soul
Love yourself,
Love your neighbor.
And just to give you a heads up. I am abrupt. I began abruptly, I rarely segue well and usually I end just as abruptly.
The scripture that was picked turned out to be difficult. The simplicity of Jesus words had complex ramifications. Jesus ended up crucified, the disciples, also tortured and killed, the followers, Christians hunted down, tortured, thrown in jail, feed to the lions to entertain roman masses and killed.
Love God with heart, mind and soul
Love yourself
Love the neighbor
Simple words, simple concept but thinking of the history of Christianity of the history of Christianity in the United States alone, if it is so simple, why can’t we simply do it? Why haven’t we got the hang of it yet?
Love God
Love yourself
Love the neighbor
When I was a child, I loved going to church. The church I grew up in was a small Indian church of 30 or 40 members, many of whom were my family members, way out in the woods. The services were in the Choctaw language and they had Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night services, and every 5th Sunday they had all day services and singing. There was even a hog killing cabin so there would be fresh meat for the 5th Sunday.
When I was four, I decided I wanted to be a missionary when I grew up. In my four year old mind, a missionary was simply one who works with the church. When I got older and I learned about what some missionaries, what the church and what the government did to native people, I was embarrassed about my four year old ambition.
But it wasn’t until Seminary that I got mad. Sitting in Church history I listened to stories of the removal and of slavery and the church’s role in all of it. I was mad and sick the listening to the church’s bloody history. I read a story of an Jewish man who was angry at God about the Holocaust. He said, “Even God cannot undo the past” and I agreed with him. Even God could not undo what had been done. And I wrestled because I knew God had called me. I told God that I wasn't going to go back home to Oklahoma, to the Oklahoma Indian Missionary Conference as an agent of the Institutional church that to this day doesn't seem to want to understand racism, study racism. They don’t want to explore the history of racism in the institution, and to tell them to forgive the church. How was I suppose to tell them to forgive when I couldn't. And I would not forgive what the church did.
I went to Africa, Ghana for my cross cultural credits at Drew. We visited two of 24 slave castles. We were led from room to room, led into the almost airless dungeons underground. The tour guide talked about the atrocities that happened there and he also told that the surrounding village of El Mina, he said they didn't remember what had happened there. They went on and lived their lives with no memory of the horror.
When I heard that my first thought was “Oh I understand that. What happened here was so bad, it was so horrendous that nothing anybody did was ever going to put it right, to fix it, and to insure no one tries to fix it, we will tell people we do not remember.” I don’t know if that is what they thought, maybe they really just forgot, but as I walked back to our tour bus, looking at the faces of the young people trying to sell us things, coming from a background of cultural collective memory myself, I don't think they have forgotten.
I came back to the US, and thought about the people of El Mina and I thought about Native people all trapped in some sort of loop of pain and horror that generation after generation is forced to live out. Something had to be done but I refused to forgive. Despite my best effort and considerable will power, I ended up with two churches in Oklahoma on the ordination track. The first church offered to me was a church that had dwindled down to two little girls. I said no, but I remembered my home church and how I loved going to church. I couldn't imagine what my life would be like if there had been no church. I said yes. I figured the two girls weren't going to expect me to preach, probably Sunday school type stuff.
As I started going, in the back of my mind I began thinking of the things the church had gotten wrong with Indian people. I thought, this church will not ever tell these kids that they are not welcome. They will learn about a God that loves every cultural bit of them. They will here that their culture, their language, their brown skin is a gift from God. The church is not perfect, but I am the church too and I will change what the church means in these little kids lives. As long as I am here the church will not hurt them.
I went from 2 to about 15 and about 30 on holidays. Which is a lot considering I am the only adult most of the time. Strangely the kids turned out to be quite demanding about communion. They understood the meaning of it and they liked taking communion. Most of the kids live with a 3 block radius of the church and sometimes they drag me home with them to meet parents and to see where they live. The kids just show up, no parents brings them, if they see my car in the parking lot they all come running over.
The church in the middle of a Cheyenne/Arapaho community. My kids are mostly Cheyenne/Arapaho. The Cheyenne and Arapaho people are the people of the Sand Creek Massacre, where a village of the people were killed under the leadership of Colonel Chivington who was also a Methodist Minister. One of the pastor of OIMC, his great, great grandparents escaped the Sand Creek massacre only to be killed four years later at the Massacre of the Washita in 1868. The site of this massacre is just northwest of where the church is.
The church and the government’s involvement in the removal, in the boarding schools, in the relocation acts, in trying to kill the Indian and save the man, well, neither have a good reputation in Oklahoma. I figure this is why adults aren't coming to the church.
They are also sun dance ceremonial people, and the church, even the Indians churches haven’t always been supportive of culture. Some of our Indian churches are still living out the harsh rules and regulations of the missionaries that taught them and think Native culture is wrong.
But I like to think that what I am doing with the kids, my determination that they learn of a God who thinks they are special and extraordinary, what goes on there is helping undo some of the past. I think of what that Jewish man said about “Even God not being able to undo the past” I had agreed with him at the time but now, I think its possible to undo the past. Or to break the hold the past can have on a person. By breaking the hold of the past has on you, you are then able to change the trajectory of where you were heading to someplace different.
It was in working with the kids helped change the trajectory of where that church was headed which was to be closed down and now it is in the process of becoming a church and community center through GBGM. I like to think its helping change the trajectory of where the kids are headed because it has helped change the trajectory of where I was headed.
Because in the midst of it all, I think I figured out how to forgive the church. To be honest, I was disappointed when I realized it because that is not what I intended to do. But its not there anymore, its gone. What helped it go was that I keep thinking, I am the church too and I’ll do something different.
Doing something different. There is this singer, this rap star, Akon, who has a song where he talks about the many things he has done wrong and he says he is sorry for all of it and then he apologizes for things that have happen that wasn't his fault but he knows that some has to take the blame so he says you can blame him. It kills me that this random guy, random rap singer, understands and grasps the value of saying "I am sorry", of taking the blame even when he feels it is not his fault but knows that someone has too when the church cannot or will not understand. It kills me.
Christians, are we are so full of pride in what we are, we are so sure that we are right in what we are doing that the idea of being wrong, the idea of needing to say "I’m sorry" never enters our minds? The rap guy was willing to take the blame for things that he didn't do, doesn't that remind you of someone else? Who else took the blame for things he did not do and died on the cross? A rap guy found a way to be more Christ-like and the church has not.
Church, if you want to change, Then do something different. It begins with you. Love God with your mind and study. Study the past in order to understand our present, how we got here, how the church came to its present state and where we are headed. Study the evolution of our understanding of God and God’s will for the people. Study the mistakes the church made and study what the church got right. Study so that we can understand and know what part of the Church’s past is holding on to us and won’t let us change. What do we need to address in order for the past to let go of us? So that we can change the trajectory of where our church is headed.
Love God with your heart and your soul. Let your heart be like Jesus’ heart. The compassion, the love for the people, and in the case of the syro-phenisian woman, the ability and willingness to learn. Live out what you are learning with your mind and with your heart. Live it out. Let your actions prove you are a follower of Christ and not your words. Let us be inspired where Jesus took the blame because he knew someone had to. Even though he wasn't to blame. Its not going to be easy, I won’t lie to you, Jesus sat in the garden of Gethsemane and prayed to God and asked if there was some other way.
We are the church, all of us here, So church, let us take responsibility, let us take the blame, Let us be courageous and do what the church has been unable to do before. Let us look at the past, let us say I am sorry and let us work to change the trajectory of where we are going. But the cost of discipleship is high, so count the cost, do not go into this blind, count the cost of what it means to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. Of being Christ- like.
And before I close I would like to add more thing. you know, our Gospel lesson is taken from Mark, I have a great fondness for Mark. The Gospel of Mark is thought to be the earliest gospel written.[1] Even though it is after Matthew. And it is also thought that the author of the Gospel of Mark ended his story of Jesus at chapter 16:8
“And the women came out and ran away from the tomb because they were frightened out their wits; and they said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid.” [2]
The story is thought to have ended at the empty tomb. Some bibles will mention this and leave a space between verse 8 and the verse 9. Mark’s ending seems to be a warning and encouragement to the followers of Jesus and the church. The story will end here if you have no faith.
Church, our story is not over. Even when we have done everything humanly possible, our story will not be over if we have faith. So let us gather up our courage, gather up our faith and let us begin our work.
[1] Matera, Frank J. New Testament Christology. Louisville, KY: Westminster Jon Knox. Pg 5.
[2] The New Jerusalem Bible. NY: American Bible Society, 1985.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
GC Report 2
April 29, 2008
I was within 20 feet of the president of the republic of Liberia today. And I got hugged by a bunch of little dancing children from Africa. Uganda to be specific. They were great dancing singing little machines. Seriously, I got tired watching then with all their energy. Apparently these kids are orphaned and vulnerable kids from Uganda. Orphaned by war or by AIDS they lived in Internally Displaced Person’s camps where they lived in cramped mud huts with many people.
I am not sure how I feel about it. Are they singing for their supper now? I mean, I think if they had to choose, they would chose, as I would, singing for their supper over cramped mud huts. But aside from that. Zoo animals to be viewed and forced to perform on command. But perhaps I am just too cynical.
I had the opportunity with the other staff of the Secretary of the General conference to talk to the children and thank them for blessing us with their presence afterwards. They were loving children who wanted to hug me when I went to shake their hands. Whatever, I said that weird, but they hugged me and I hugged them back. I’m just saying. Its good that they are not in a hot cramped mud hut (I realized I am saying that with all my American privilege) and I certainly don’t begrudge them but something like the prostitution of culture or of self to the great white American people…keeps popping up in my head. Maybe exploitation of the children...
Am I really just too cynical and projecting my issues on this children’s choir? Maybe, but I would like to add that my conference sent a Native children’s choir that sang the day before and we just got one photo in the Daily Christian Advocate (the daily report of General Conference happenings) and the Uganda children got a entire page write up. Is it because our children sang in native tongue and not in English as the Uganda children? Our kids were just as cute and talented but perhaps it was because the Uganda children were more grateful to great white America and our kids and our conference wouldn’t have been.
Yes, I also think I sound bitter but I am here listening to various people making comments like, “I will support the Native American Comprehensive Plan as long as the money would not be used for gambling.”
Though I suppose to be fair (it is a bad habit of mine, this unrelenting desire to be fair) the pacific islanders got shut down with their request for funding to do ministry to their community. It was scary to see how quickly and easily the floor rejected their need.
And I got to be within 20 feet of the president of the Republic of Liberia. It could have been twenty feet of G. W. Bush. Luckily he sent a letter declined to attend General Conference this year. I was much more excited about Liberia.
I was within 20 feet of the president of the republic of Liberia today. And I got hugged by a bunch of little dancing children from Africa. Uganda to be specific. They were great dancing singing little machines. Seriously, I got tired watching then with all their energy. Apparently these kids are orphaned and vulnerable kids from Uganda. Orphaned by war or by AIDS they lived in Internally Displaced Person’s camps where they lived in cramped mud huts with many people.
I am not sure how I feel about it. Are they singing for their supper now? I mean, I think if they had to choose, they would chose, as I would, singing for their supper over cramped mud huts. But aside from that. Zoo animals to be viewed and forced to perform on command. But perhaps I am just too cynical.
I had the opportunity with the other staff of the Secretary of the General conference to talk to the children and thank them for blessing us with their presence afterwards. They were loving children who wanted to hug me when I went to shake their hands. Whatever, I said that weird, but they hugged me and I hugged them back. I’m just saying. Its good that they are not in a hot cramped mud hut (I realized I am saying that with all my American privilege) and I certainly don’t begrudge them but something like the prostitution of culture or of self to the great white American people…keeps popping up in my head. Maybe exploitation of the children...
Am I really just too cynical and projecting my issues on this children’s choir? Maybe, but I would like to add that my conference sent a Native children’s choir that sang the day before and we just got one photo in the Daily Christian Advocate (the daily report of General Conference happenings) and the Uganda children got a entire page write up. Is it because our children sang in native tongue and not in English as the Uganda children? Our kids were just as cute and talented but perhaps it was because the Uganda children were more grateful to great white America and our kids and our conference wouldn’t have been.
Yes, I also think I sound bitter but I am here listening to various people making comments like, “I will support the Native American Comprehensive Plan as long as the money would not be used for gambling.”
Though I suppose to be fair (it is a bad habit of mine, this unrelenting desire to be fair) the pacific islanders got shut down with their request for funding to do ministry to their community. It was scary to see how quickly and easily the floor rejected their need.
And I got to be within 20 feet of the president of the Republic of Liberia. It could have been twenty feet of G. W. Bush. Luckily he sent a letter declined to attend General Conference this year. I was much more excited about Liberia.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Report from General Conference 1
I am at General Conference. Well, actually I am working at General Conference. I am one of the Secretary of the General Conference’s volunteer staff. I was not all that impressed with my status of staff but since I have been here, it has been cool. I have an all access red badge. I can go anywhere and no one will tell me no. I don’t go everywhere, I am still kinda lazy but I get tell pages and marshals what to do and they do it. Everyone else is impressed with my red badge. And that is cool, but really the Secretary of the General Conference is important, not me. But whatever. I get all the candy I want. But I am feeling kinda sick with the all the time access to candy. Endless baskets of Skittles is bad for the tum tum.
I am also working my ass off. Since Tuesday the 22nd I have been at work at 7:00am and working til 10:00 pm – 11:30 pm. Its been exhausting. But kinda fun. I am getting use to not having any of my short term memory left. Really, someone says something to me and two seconds later I have no memory of it. Its weird. I think I am missing my previous life where I woke up around 9:00am or 10:00am and took several naps during the day. Perhaps I have been preparing for this lack of sleep.
In regards to General conference reports, I would like to say that many of these people should never try stand up comedy. It is just not funny when you are reading a joke during a report or something.
I have been shadowing the Petitions Secretary and sitting in the Reference committee meetings. They decide to move things, or decide to not to move things or decide whether a petition will be voided or sent through the process. It is very exciting considering it happens at 7:00 am and everyone is tired. I found the petition process facinating. Like if you write a petition that can't easily be put in to one category, such as Church and society or local church or judicial administration etc, then it has a higher chance of getting voided because only one committee can get that petition. Common sense, I guess, but if I was writting a petition I wouldn't have considered that. And it is a pity because there were petitions that were thick and probably worked on very hard and long but they addressed too much and all that hard work was wasted. There will be more later.
I am also working my ass off. Since Tuesday the 22nd I have been at work at 7:00am and working til 10:00 pm – 11:30 pm. Its been exhausting. But kinda fun. I am getting use to not having any of my short term memory left. Really, someone says something to me and two seconds later I have no memory of it. Its weird. I think I am missing my previous life where I woke up around 9:00am or 10:00am and took several naps during the day. Perhaps I have been preparing for this lack of sleep.
In regards to General conference reports, I would like to say that many of these people should never try stand up comedy. It is just not funny when you are reading a joke during a report or something.
I have been shadowing the Petitions Secretary and sitting in the Reference committee meetings. They decide to move things, or decide to not to move things or decide whether a petition will be voided or sent through the process. It is very exciting considering it happens at 7:00 am and everyone is tired. I found the petition process facinating. Like if you write a petition that can't easily be put in to one category, such as Church and society or local church or judicial administration etc, then it has a higher chance of getting voided because only one committee can get that petition. Common sense, I guess, but if I was writting a petition I wouldn't have considered that. And it is a pity because there were petitions that were thick and probably worked on very hard and long but they addressed too much and all that hard work was wasted. There will be more later.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
April showers, winds and hailstorms have beat down the flowers
Last night I preached at my 2nd revival. In a little Creek church in the middle of nowhere. There were rock covered dirt roads. My mom was driving kinda like one of the Dukes of Hazard and it scared the crap out of me. I have been away from home too long...
So I preached at Wewoka Indian UMC. At the first revival I was asked to preach at, I had asked the theme. I was told there was no theme and that I should just pick a favorite theme of mine and go with it. I had a little trouble with that and I think I tried to preach the entire Bible in 40 minutes.
I was able to narrow my focus this time around and went only 25 mins. I preached on an Easter theme and talked about the empty tomb and wild turbulent Pentecostal winds of change. I had fun last night. I made it through the alter call with little trouble. I even had a little kid come and ask for prayer which makes me glad because I think I am a better minister to children than to adults.
Oh, and I am on vacation too. Til tomorrow. I probably shouldn't have agreed to preach but I thought it would be kinda fun. I have a weird idea of what fun is these days.
In random news, I also agreed to preach at Student Forum of the UMC in Washington, DC on Memorial day weekend. I am kinda excited about that one too. Mostly because I get to see and work with a good friend of mine, Delyn. Yea!!! We are playing Tom Petty during the Saturday evening worship service. I think doing church is more fun as a group effort.
A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to be in on the South Central jurisdiction episcopal interviews for my conference. We interviewed potential bishops from our area. That's the great thing about being from a tiny conference. I get the chance to be a part of almost anything that is going on in my conference. We interviewed 8 of the 9 candidates and the sad thing about being from a tiny conference is that when asked what they knew about the Oklahoma Indian Missionary Conference, almost every began with, I looked on your website last night...
I think I would be more understanding of their lack of knowledge if they hadn't been from the same jurisdiction as us. At the same time, I do know that the Oklahoma conference is barely aware of us and we are in the same state. In Clinton, where my kids church is, the other Methodist church in town was unaware that we existed even though it has been there since the 1950s. I am just not sure what to think about that. Is it lack of effort on our part or theirs or both? And a couple of them admitted that in their UM churches they do not observe special Sundays. What?!? How is that even possible that they were not embarrassed to admit that? I try very hard to make sure that we observe those days and we are tiny churches compared to the churches that they served...my 25/35 to their 500/800 member churches. One boasted of a 9 million dollar sanctuary but the special Sundays get ignored. Does that seem wrong to you? I was a little sick after the interviews of trying to explain that we in our conference apparently lived in a completely different world than they did.
I was trying explain this by telling of the time that I ran out of money for gas. Rising gas prices, the 1.5 hour commute, the fact that I pay for everything out of my own pocket for the kids church, and even though I am making more as a seminary graduate the pay is still lower than any other pastor in the UM church, well, running out of money, its bound to happen from time to time.
I told the story to explain that this was a common problem for all pastors in OIMC, and more so for the people we serve, that this is the world we live in. I was telling the story with the candidate looking at me with horrified eyes, when his eyes filled up with tears and then I stopped talking because if someone cries, I usually do too, and my eyes started filling up too. We just started at each other for about a full minute. He told me he was sorry that had happened to me and I didn't get to tell him that this happens to all of us in OIMC.
I had to leave early that day so the next guy that came in, my gas money story was repeated and the next week that guy sent some money for me and another young pastor in my conference. I am not sure what to think about it because that was not my intention to get him to send me money. Also he was one whose large wealthy church does not observe special Sundays. I think I would have appreciated a letter from him saying that he understood the struggles of my conference and that he would see that his church would observe all the special Sundays which includes Native American Ministries Sunday.
But I leave on a high note with a story about my kids church, last Sunday. I pulled up to the parking lot and a group of them came running out calling my name. They were so excited to see me and to tell me happy late b-day. They had made me paper cut out butterflys with stickers on them and a card which all of them signed. Then they handed me a jewelry box and demanded I open it. Inside was a lapel pin that said Angel and an arrowhead necklace on top of cotton balls. Under the cotton balls was some money they had collected among themselves. $3.25. I think I told them when my birthday was back in October and had not mentioned it since. (I tend to think its tacky to tell people when my b-day is...) But they remembered. I wish all churches were as great as that kids church, maybe then I wouldn't be fighting so hard against ordination.
So I preached at Wewoka Indian UMC. At the first revival I was asked to preach at, I had asked the theme. I was told there was no theme and that I should just pick a favorite theme of mine and go with it. I had a little trouble with that and I think I tried to preach the entire Bible in 40 minutes.
I was able to narrow my focus this time around and went only 25 mins. I preached on an Easter theme and talked about the empty tomb and wild turbulent Pentecostal winds of change. I had fun last night. I made it through the alter call with little trouble. I even had a little kid come and ask for prayer which makes me glad because I think I am a better minister to children than to adults.
Oh, and I am on vacation too. Til tomorrow. I probably shouldn't have agreed to preach but I thought it would be kinda fun. I have a weird idea of what fun is these days.
In random news, I also agreed to preach at Student Forum of the UMC in Washington, DC on Memorial day weekend. I am kinda excited about that one too. Mostly because I get to see and work with a good friend of mine, Delyn. Yea!!! We are playing Tom Petty during the Saturday evening worship service. I think doing church is more fun as a group effort.
A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to be in on the South Central jurisdiction episcopal interviews for my conference. We interviewed potential bishops from our area. That's the great thing about being from a tiny conference. I get the chance to be a part of almost anything that is going on in my conference. We interviewed 8 of the 9 candidates and the sad thing about being from a tiny conference is that when asked what they knew about the Oklahoma Indian Missionary Conference, almost every began with, I looked on your website last night...
I think I would be more understanding of their lack of knowledge if they hadn't been from the same jurisdiction as us. At the same time, I do know that the Oklahoma conference is barely aware of us and we are in the same state. In Clinton, where my kids church is, the other Methodist church in town was unaware that we existed even though it has been there since the 1950s. I am just not sure what to think about that. Is it lack of effort on our part or theirs or both? And a couple of them admitted that in their UM churches they do not observe special Sundays. What?!? How is that even possible that they were not embarrassed to admit that? I try very hard to make sure that we observe those days and we are tiny churches compared to the churches that they served...my 25/35 to their 500/800 member churches. One boasted of a 9 million dollar sanctuary but the special Sundays get ignored. Does that seem wrong to you? I was a little sick after the interviews of trying to explain that we in our conference apparently lived in a completely different world than they did.
I was trying explain this by telling of the time that I ran out of money for gas. Rising gas prices, the 1.5 hour commute, the fact that I pay for everything out of my own pocket for the kids church, and even though I am making more as a seminary graduate the pay is still lower than any other pastor in the UM church, well, running out of money, its bound to happen from time to time.
I told the story to explain that this was a common problem for all pastors in OIMC, and more so for the people we serve, that this is the world we live in. I was telling the story with the candidate looking at me with horrified eyes, when his eyes filled up with tears and then I stopped talking because if someone cries, I usually do too, and my eyes started filling up too. We just started at each other for about a full minute. He told me he was sorry that had happened to me and I didn't get to tell him that this happens to all of us in OIMC.
I had to leave early that day so the next guy that came in, my gas money story was repeated and the next week that guy sent some money for me and another young pastor in my conference. I am not sure what to think about it because that was not my intention to get him to send me money. Also he was one whose large wealthy church does not observe special Sundays. I think I would have appreciated a letter from him saying that he understood the struggles of my conference and that he would see that his church would observe all the special Sundays which includes Native American Ministries Sunday.
But I leave on a high note with a story about my kids church, last Sunday. I pulled up to the parking lot and a group of them came running out calling my name. They were so excited to see me and to tell me happy late b-day. They had made me paper cut out butterflys with stickers on them and a card which all of them signed. Then they handed me a jewelry box and demanded I open it. Inside was a lapel pin that said Angel and an arrowhead necklace on top of cotton balls. Under the cotton balls was some money they had collected among themselves. $3.25. I think I told them when my birthday was back in October and had not mentioned it since. (I tend to think its tacky to tell people when my b-day is...) But they remembered. I wish all churches were as great as that kids church, maybe then I wouldn't be fighting so hard against ordination.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Rock The Native Vote
Another dang month has flown by me. 2008 seems to be going so quickly but I am happy to report that I have not been in another car accident. So yea me!
I have been caught up in the presidential voting craze thing. I have not previously been all that interested in presidential elections, mostly because I am more of a conspiracy theorist who is convinced that presidential elections are rigged and so forth. Though lately I am starting to worry that the presidential elections are not rigged and we, the American public, really did elect G W Bush for two terms.
I voted for the first time in a presidential election in 2004. I should mention that I always register to vote and I believe in the voting process, just not during the presidential elections. Having made that clear, when a colleague of mine asked if I would be interested in being a part of an organization called Rock The Native Vote, modeled after MTV's Rock The Vote, I agreed mostly because I wanted to support my colleague but as I sat at the first meeting I came to a deeper understanding of what the group wanted to accomplish which was more than just registering people to vote.
The group encourages Native people to register to vote, to get out and vote, as well as encourages them to take a more active part in the whole political process. Native people are routinely lost and forgotten in American politics and RTNV is trying to tell them that this can be remedied. That Native folks have a voice, that they can use that voice and that they will be heard. Which in itself is a awesome undertaking but the part that excites me is that, in this instance, it is the church that is behind this group. The Oklahoma Indian Missionary Conference of the United Methodist Church began this whole project back in 2003. The church, who has historically told Native people that they are not worth listening to, is now the one who is telling Native people that they are indeed worth listening to.
I have long struggled and searched for some understanding of forgiveness ever since reading Homer Noley's First White Frost and since my Church history classes at Drew. I found that I could not forgive the church for its treatment of Native folks and yet I understood that I was also the church. I argued with God and said I would not go back to Oklahoma and preach forgiveness, especially if I myself could not forgive and I refused to forgive.
But I knew I wasn't right. I felt it in my heart everytime I said I refused to forgive. I just couldn't find the right way to go. When I took that church in Clinton, the children's church, I was determined that those kids would learn of and experience God's love and mercy and of a church that cherished them. I would not tell them that they were wrong or that the cultural part of their lives was a sin in God's or the church's eyes. I was determined to not repeat mistakes made by the early church.
Strangely, a year later, I have found it easier to let go of that sick feeling, the anger I felt thinking of the church's past. Now I consider what I am doing with the Cheynne/Arapaho kids in Clinton a way of undoing the past and redirecting the future. For me, those kids, and the church.
In my mind, Rock The Native Vote is also trying to undo the past and redirect the future of Native people. Yet I hesitate to say that I have forgiven because everything I know on forgiving doesn't seem to address these kinds of issues and perhaps the word is inadequte to cover what I feel we are trying to do in my conference but then again maybe the word has never been truly explored to its full extent.
I can't always say it and mean it but after working in Clinton and with RTNV, I feel good saying that I belong to the church. It actually makes me feel warm and fuzzy...
www.Rockthenativevote.org
I have been caught up in the presidential voting craze thing. I have not previously been all that interested in presidential elections, mostly because I am more of a conspiracy theorist who is convinced that presidential elections are rigged and so forth. Though lately I am starting to worry that the presidential elections are not rigged and we, the American public, really did elect G W Bush for two terms.
I voted for the first time in a presidential election in 2004. I should mention that I always register to vote and I believe in the voting process, just not during the presidential elections. Having made that clear, when a colleague of mine asked if I would be interested in being a part of an organization called Rock The Native Vote, modeled after MTV's Rock The Vote, I agreed mostly because I wanted to support my colleague but as I sat at the first meeting I came to a deeper understanding of what the group wanted to accomplish which was more than just registering people to vote.
The group encourages Native people to register to vote, to get out and vote, as well as encourages them to take a more active part in the whole political process. Native people are routinely lost and forgotten in American politics and RTNV is trying to tell them that this can be remedied. That Native folks have a voice, that they can use that voice and that they will be heard. Which in itself is a awesome undertaking but the part that excites me is that, in this instance, it is the church that is behind this group. The Oklahoma Indian Missionary Conference of the United Methodist Church began this whole project back in 2003. The church, who has historically told Native people that they are not worth listening to, is now the one who is telling Native people that they are indeed worth listening to.
I have long struggled and searched for some understanding of forgiveness ever since reading Homer Noley's First White Frost and since my Church history classes at Drew. I found that I could not forgive the church for its treatment of Native folks and yet I understood that I was also the church. I argued with God and said I would not go back to Oklahoma and preach forgiveness, especially if I myself could not forgive and I refused to forgive.
But I knew I wasn't right. I felt it in my heart everytime I said I refused to forgive. I just couldn't find the right way to go. When I took that church in Clinton, the children's church, I was determined that those kids would learn of and experience God's love and mercy and of a church that cherished them. I would not tell them that they were wrong or that the cultural part of their lives was a sin in God's or the church's eyes. I was determined to not repeat mistakes made by the early church.
Strangely, a year later, I have found it easier to let go of that sick feeling, the anger I felt thinking of the church's past. Now I consider what I am doing with the Cheynne/Arapaho kids in Clinton a way of undoing the past and redirecting the future. For me, those kids, and the church.
In my mind, Rock The Native Vote is also trying to undo the past and redirect the future of Native people. Yet I hesitate to say that I have forgiven because everything I know on forgiving doesn't seem to address these kinds of issues and perhaps the word is inadequte to cover what I feel we are trying to do in my conference but then again maybe the word has never been truly explored to its full extent.
I can't always say it and mean it but after working in Clinton and with RTNV, I feel good saying that I belong to the church. It actually makes me feel warm and fuzzy...
www.Rockthenativevote.org
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Fast forward
It has been a month since my last post. I haven't any thing to say but I feel I should make a couple of statements or post a thought or two.
I prefer heat to cold. I would rather sweat then shiver. Its is so freaking cold here.
My life is in chaos. I am ok with that at the moment. Its kinda like playing chess but instead of moving pieces carefully, the pieces are just being tossed around. I like prefer the organized way of playing but I am trying to take life less seriously these days.
Having said that, I find that the past has caught up with me and has bitten me pretty hard in the ass. I think the past, present and future are all happening simultaniously because my refusal take care of past issues is seriously fucking up my present and future. But while I am not a coward when confronting most issues, I find that my past issues comes with my past attitude of simply running away from them and it is in full force. Coming home to Oklahoma has been coming back to my past, good and bad. And I do not want to deal with that bad portion of it.
But I have a meeting with my conference superintendent on Wednesday in order to deal with my past, present and future And I just don't want to. But running from the issues didn't do me any good the first time so I should try something else, right?
I don't mean to be vague with my problem but I am uncertain how to be more specific.
No, that's not true. I just don't want to talk about it other than to say I know I have a problem. How the heck am I suppose to deal with myself if I can't get myself to be an adult about this? Especially by Wednesday at 10:30am.
My shower works. I fixed it all by myself and got a new shower head installed as well. With something called a pipe wrench. Go figure. But I am happy. My life can be chaotic but as long as my shower works, I am happy. Life is good...
I prefer heat to cold. I would rather sweat then shiver. Its is so freaking cold here.
My life is in chaos. I am ok with that at the moment. Its kinda like playing chess but instead of moving pieces carefully, the pieces are just being tossed around. I like prefer the organized way of playing but I am trying to take life less seriously these days.
Having said that, I find that the past has caught up with me and has bitten me pretty hard in the ass. I think the past, present and future are all happening simultaniously because my refusal take care of past issues is seriously fucking up my present and future. But while I am not a coward when confronting most issues, I find that my past issues comes with my past attitude of simply running away from them and it is in full force. Coming home to Oklahoma has been coming back to my past, good and bad. And I do not want to deal with that bad portion of it.
But I have a meeting with my conference superintendent on Wednesday in order to deal with my past, present and future And I just don't want to. But running from the issues didn't do me any good the first time so I should try something else, right?
I don't mean to be vague with my problem but I am uncertain how to be more specific.
No, that's not true. I just don't want to talk about it other than to say I know I have a problem. How the heck am I suppose to deal with myself if I can't get myself to be an adult about this? Especially by Wednesday at 10:30am.
My shower works. I fixed it all by myself and got a new shower head installed as well. With something called a pipe wrench. Go figure. But I am happy. My life can be chaotic but as long as my shower works, I am happy. Life is good...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)