You were warned...
Ok, I finally looked at mapquest. Stony Point is not upstate new York. Sorry Melissa. I think it is like just an hour from NYC. I have a tendency to think NY State just consists of NYC. I forget about the true upstate. I leave tomorrow. 4:00am from Clinton. I have to drive to OKC where my flight leaves at 6:30 ish...
I have to teach a 3-hour class on Native Americans and give a 10 min presentation on my thoughts and feelings on the song "As a Fire Meant for Burning" pg 2237 in The Faith We Sing.
I have written exactly 1 page of the 10 min presentation. I think I figured out why I wait til the last minute to write some of my stuff. If I write it earlier I will rewrite it until its all nice and neat and easy to preach/talk about. I have a bit of a stress headache about my 10 min presentation. Which sounds odd considering I am writing a reflection on a Ruth Duck song. But the thing is, I am also teaching a class on Native Americans and the not so happy history of the church...the relationship with the present day church.
So amid Ruth Duck's (I just love her name. I keep giggling when I say it...) pretty picture of the church's duties/responsibilities...history keeps popping up to keep me from singing Kum Ba Ya.
I think I am frustrated by the picture of what we could be but no one ever talks about what has happened and what needs to happen to get there. Like we can all forget who we are and just be this one big happy glob. I mean, I like her lyrics but its all too pretty. It doesn't mention how crappy this God business can get and even though it can get pretty crappy, crappiness isn't a good enough reason not to keep it up. People tend to want to do mission as a feel good action for themselves. It feels good to help poor little Indians. It feels good when the poor look at us with gratitude. How many people would continue to do mission if it didn't feel so dang good?
I am kinda tired of being everyones mission project and being expected to be grateful when I get mailed a bunch of stuff I can't use because no one bothered to ask what was needed. Being poor sucks. And no, I am not F*&^%^%# grateful. (Apparently females are not suppose to be potty mouths here in Oklahoma)
And I get the feeling that if we sing this song people are going to want to sit in a circle and hold hands, close their eyes and sway. Nothing wrong with that but I am not into that. I don't want to hold any one's hand. My mantra for the weekend "I do not have to hold anyones hand. I do not have to hold anyones hand."
Am I just bitter or do I have point? I am really asking too, if you have a thought you want to share...
Its 8:58 pm I have to go to bed at 10:oopm. I guess I better go write it...
On a happy note, I get to see one of my US-2 classmates. yeah!!!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Ode to a good machine
Bi-monthly wasn't what I meant in the last post but you know what I meant.
I will be in Stony Point, NY Aug 20 - 24. I have no idea where that is other than its 2 hours-ish from NYC. I'll be flying into LaGuardia. That makes me happy, It'll be just like old times and I am going to try to get into Manhattan for a bagel. I would seriously kill for a NY Bagel. Seriously.
I hesitate to leave my title up there because it sounds vaguely dirty. And more artistic than I am going to be. My Drew laptop died. It just died without warning! Well I suspected that it was about that time to be shopping for a new computer but I thought I still had time. One night I was surfing the web and listening to my extensive music collection and then I pack it up for a visit with my mommy and it was gone.
I took it to a computer geek person who messed with it and said that my hard drive was so corrupted that he couldn't even pull information off of it let alone reboot it. All my music, all my pictures, all my sermons that I have preached in the last year, all my papers from Drew...gone. I could have sent to serious computer people but I was looking at $700.00 dollars at the very least. And that was just to maybe get info off it.
So, I have a new computer. And I am still in the honeymoon phase with it so....
But its not all that bad, I had a chunk of music on my mp3 player and I can redownload music I bought (thank you Jesus!) off the internet and I had a bunch of the pictures saved on the internet. I also have hard copies of the sermons and school work. But I miss my poor little faithful companion who moved back to Oklahoma with me. Yeah, I know, its a bit much but I almost want to cry.
Oh, and I found out that Clinton, the town I live in, doesn't have a movie theater. David, not my boss anymore, had warned me about moving out of Oklahoma City but I had told him I seeking obscurity and thought I could find it in Clinton, but I did not think that meant obsurity meant living without easy access to movies! And to add insult to injury, Pizza Hut doesn't deliver.
But one of the grocery stores carries my favorite brand of frozen pizza. some yellow box company that makes spinach white pizza. And I suppose I get to the City (ha ha, but not new York city) enough to go to movies there.
David, not my boss anymore, is going to NYC tomorrow. I am upset but in an effort to appease me he said he will eat a street corner bagel for me. And I know that he will probably cut it in line or push someone out of the way because he is so impatient while getting the bagel and that makes me happy.
Hey Jon, Steven Colbert talked about the Lambeth thing you are at/went to? It was so funny.
I will be in Stony Point, NY Aug 20 - 24. I have no idea where that is other than its 2 hours-ish from NYC. I'll be flying into LaGuardia. That makes me happy, It'll be just like old times and I am going to try to get into Manhattan for a bagel. I would seriously kill for a NY Bagel. Seriously.
I hesitate to leave my title up there because it sounds vaguely dirty. And more artistic than I am going to be. My Drew laptop died. It just died without warning! Well I suspected that it was about that time to be shopping for a new computer but I thought I still had time. One night I was surfing the web and listening to my extensive music collection and then I pack it up for a visit with my mommy and it was gone.
I took it to a computer geek person who messed with it and said that my hard drive was so corrupted that he couldn't even pull information off of it let alone reboot it. All my music, all my pictures, all my sermons that I have preached in the last year, all my papers from Drew...gone. I could have sent to serious computer people but I was looking at $700.00 dollars at the very least. And that was just to maybe get info off it.
So, I have a new computer. And I am still in the honeymoon phase with it so....
But its not all that bad, I had a chunk of music on my mp3 player and I can redownload music I bought (thank you Jesus!) off the internet and I had a bunch of the pictures saved on the internet. I also have hard copies of the sermons and school work. But I miss my poor little faithful companion who moved back to Oklahoma with me. Yeah, I know, its a bit much but I almost want to cry.
Oh, and I found out that Clinton, the town I live in, doesn't have a movie theater. David, not my boss anymore, had warned me about moving out of Oklahoma City but I had told him I seeking obscurity and thought I could find it in Clinton, but I did not think that meant obsurity meant living without easy access to movies! And to add insult to injury, Pizza Hut doesn't deliver.
But one of the grocery stores carries my favorite brand of frozen pizza. some yellow box company that makes spinach white pizza. And I suppose I get to the City (ha ha, but not new York city) enough to go to movies there.
David, not my boss anymore, is going to NYC tomorrow. I am upset but in an effort to appease me he said he will eat a street corner bagel for me. And I know that he will probably cut it in line or push someone out of the way because he is so impatient while getting the bagel and that makes me happy.
Hey Jon, Steven Colbert talked about the Lambeth thing you are at/went to? It was so funny.
Friday, August 1, 2008
What I do
I actually kind of like it when I can't truly explain my job. When I worked in the young adult office in Missions personnel at GBGM, my older brother would call every other month to ask me what I actually did there. It was a little complicated but basically I was an advocte for young adults in 4 different young adult missions programs. I was one of several go-to-people for them. We recruited, interviewed, selected, trained and assigned young people for the programs...and then some. We lost our executive and our administrative assistant so we sorta filled in those spots as well. Easy to understand right? My favorite part of the job was that I lived a huge chunk of the time in Atlanta, GA. Where we used to train our people. My favorite city with my favorite airport.
Well, now I live in Clinton, OK. Population of just under 9,000. I work for GBGM again (The General Board of Global Ministries of the United Methodist Church) as a Church & Community worker. The church I served has been accepted as a chruch and community site. Basically I am there to bridge the church and community. Outside of Sunday morning worship. According to my US-2 missionary training, I am there to work myself out of a job. I am to insure that the community becomes invested and takes ownerchip of the church & community center. If I am unable to work myself out of a job then I failed as a missionary. God, I loved my US-2 training!
What do I do? Well, I am a trying to figure that out. I am in the process of assesing needs and trying to get the Cheyenne/Arapaho tribe interested in using our building for their programs for the community. I met with people of tribe and found out that tribe is already interested in more programs for the particular community the church is in, but didn't have a place in the community. But I can't connect with the people who could make it happen, that way I am not recreating programs that already exist. And they have more people to do these things.
I am also the pastor of the Clinton Indian United Methodist Church. When I was explaining to the kids about being a church and community center, one of the kid's primary concern was that the church part of it would really remain a church. The former adults have expressed interest as well. So I am trying to figure out the best use of the space we have for everything. And who will be preaching if I am out raising money for the center on Sunday morning.
I am also still on the ordination track. I am still apart of OIMC. And I have been to two more funerals for pastors. Our pastors are dying too fast. One was a retired pastor a couple of weeks ago and the one on Wednesday was just 52. She died of cancer. She waited to go to the doctor and when she finally went it was too late. She was given 6 months to live. My mom and I went to see her and her husband at her home the Wednesday before; we were on our way to MO to teach at their school of mission. She was in pain and hadn't eaten in a week. The hospital had sent her home to die so her husband was caring for her with a home nurse stopping in every couple of days. Her husband is a lay missioner in our conference. When we were there it seemed like it had just hit him. About his wife really not being there much longer. It was heartwrenching and I still can't process it. Her not being here anymore.
The retired pastor who died a couple of weeks ago, had lupis which I understand is very painful. She also had tuberculosis. So I have been meaning to get another skin test done. My mom and I also went to see her in the hospital in TX. She was also in so much pain. She watched me grow up but I was closer to her former husband as a child. He was also a pastor. He was one of my favorite people because he enjoyed my company and talked to me and would buy me candy and stuff like that. He had died when I was 12. She became a pastor herself and remarried. I just remember her current husband's face as well as her daughter's from her first marriage. The devestation. The daughter was the only left now that her mom was gone. Her sisters and brothers had all died years ago, as well as her father. Its hard to process this as well. It seems so very sureal. I was a pallbearer for her.
We had also just buried another retired pastor who had cancer. I think he had found out he had cancer but it was so far advanced they just gave him about 2 months. I have been trying to deal with all of that and trying not to drag everyone I know to the doctor for checkups.
Well, I do a host of other random things, like teaching at schools of mission and preaching at other churches. I accepted an invitation to preach this Sunday before I got too comfortable not preaching. Enjoying the not preaching made me nervous. Weird, right?
I will be in upstate NY in Aug. In a couple of weeks in fact. I think I am flying in to NYC. I am teaching at the missionary conference there. I still have the kids on Sunday and Thursday nights. I am aslo trying to get people on the center's board and have our first board meeting at the end of them month.
Other than that, I kinda make up the other parts of my job since I am the only on there. That part of my job I truly dislike. Working by myself. Sometimes I am doing all this stuff and then on top of that, I have to motive myself to keep going when it feels like no one would notice if I just stayed in bed all day. Actually no one would notice if I stayed in bed all day. David, my conference superintendent, my boss but not my boss anymore, calls me a lot, I think to make sure I am still there and have not moved back to NJ. I am thinking of asking him to retire and move to Clinton and help me do this. But I am sure it will not always be like this. I will absorb into the community and town and find local help. The people in town as all friendly so...I am expecting the bi-monthly calls from my brother about what I do to start soon.
Well, now I live in Clinton, OK. Population of just under 9,000. I work for GBGM again (The General Board of Global Ministries of the United Methodist Church) as a Church & Community worker. The church I served has been accepted as a chruch and community site. Basically I am there to bridge the church and community. Outside of Sunday morning worship. According to my US-2 missionary training, I am there to work myself out of a job. I am to insure that the community becomes invested and takes ownerchip of the church & community center. If I am unable to work myself out of a job then I failed as a missionary. God, I loved my US-2 training!
What do I do? Well, I am a trying to figure that out. I am in the process of assesing needs and trying to get the Cheyenne/Arapaho tribe interested in using our building for their programs for the community. I met with people of tribe and found out that tribe is already interested in more programs for the particular community the church is in, but didn't have a place in the community. But I can't connect with the people who could make it happen, that way I am not recreating programs that already exist. And they have more people to do these things.
I am also the pastor of the Clinton Indian United Methodist Church. When I was explaining to the kids about being a church and community center, one of the kid's primary concern was that the church part of it would really remain a church. The former adults have expressed interest as well. So I am trying to figure out the best use of the space we have for everything. And who will be preaching if I am out raising money for the center on Sunday morning.
I am also still on the ordination track. I am still apart of OIMC. And I have been to two more funerals for pastors. Our pastors are dying too fast. One was a retired pastor a couple of weeks ago and the one on Wednesday was just 52. She died of cancer. She waited to go to the doctor and when she finally went it was too late. She was given 6 months to live. My mom and I went to see her and her husband at her home the Wednesday before; we were on our way to MO to teach at their school of mission. She was in pain and hadn't eaten in a week. The hospital had sent her home to die so her husband was caring for her with a home nurse stopping in every couple of days. Her husband is a lay missioner in our conference. When we were there it seemed like it had just hit him. About his wife really not being there much longer. It was heartwrenching and I still can't process it. Her not being here anymore.
The retired pastor who died a couple of weeks ago, had lupis which I understand is very painful. She also had tuberculosis. So I have been meaning to get another skin test done. My mom and I also went to see her in the hospital in TX. She was also in so much pain. She watched me grow up but I was closer to her former husband as a child. He was also a pastor. He was one of my favorite people because he enjoyed my company and talked to me and would buy me candy and stuff like that. He had died when I was 12. She became a pastor herself and remarried. I just remember her current husband's face as well as her daughter's from her first marriage. The devestation. The daughter was the only left now that her mom was gone. Her sisters and brothers had all died years ago, as well as her father. Its hard to process this as well. It seems so very sureal. I was a pallbearer for her.
We had also just buried another retired pastor who had cancer. I think he had found out he had cancer but it was so far advanced they just gave him about 2 months. I have been trying to deal with all of that and trying not to drag everyone I know to the doctor for checkups.
Well, I do a host of other random things, like teaching at schools of mission and preaching at other churches. I accepted an invitation to preach this Sunday before I got too comfortable not preaching. Enjoying the not preaching made me nervous. Weird, right?
I will be in upstate NY in Aug. In a couple of weeks in fact. I think I am flying in to NYC. I am teaching at the missionary conference there. I still have the kids on Sunday and Thursday nights. I am aslo trying to get people on the center's board and have our first board meeting at the end of them month.
Other than that, I kinda make up the other parts of my job since I am the only on there. That part of my job I truly dislike. Working by myself. Sometimes I am doing all this stuff and then on top of that, I have to motive myself to keep going when it feels like no one would notice if I just stayed in bed all day. Actually no one would notice if I stayed in bed all day. David, my conference superintendent, my boss but not my boss anymore, calls me a lot, I think to make sure I am still there and have not moved back to NJ. I am thinking of asking him to retire and move to Clinton and help me do this. But I am sure it will not always be like this. I will absorb into the community and town and find local help. The people in town as all friendly so...I am expecting the bi-monthly calls from my brother about what I do to start soon.
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