Monday, July 2, 2007

Performance Anxiety

So the word for the month is "performance anxiety". I admit I am surprised that I seem to be afflicted with it, though I guess I shouldn't be. I started the new church two Sundays ago. The first Sunday was kinda cool. My dad and my older brother came out for me. I had trouble with the sermon topic, or really I had trouble with Elijah lying under the bush wishing for death. I think my own journey parallels Elijah, except none of my colleges were dead and some of the other stuff, but the rest maybe. Hard work dealing with my issues and writing a sermon for the masses. But the masses enjoyed it. My father said I was "good".

Week two is when "performance anxiety" struck. I scrambled all week because I still hadn't finished Elijah and I couldn't think of a dang thing to say to the masses. So for week three? The answer? I am going with "Discipline" Start early as possible and see if there is improvement. I hate to not do well at anything I do.

Despite my emerging pastoral yearnings, I fear that I am also getting bored. Or stressed out. They feel the same? The church parsonage is cute but was infested with roaches. "infestation" is an understatment. I have hosed the place down several times with various bug poisons. But I haven't moved yet. (move day was June 19) I am still in Jenks with my mom. So I have two churches, one three hours from me and one hour and a half. I am tired of driving.

The good stuff? I finally got to go to Clergy family camp! It is a three-day mini vacation/retreat for pastors and their families in my conference (Oklahoma Indian Missionary). I haven't been in Oklahoma to go with my mom as family but she would tell me about it every year. They get to weave baskets (hey, we're Indians. of course we get to weave baskets), make silver jewelry, wooden flutes, and the like. Its like summer camp for clergy. They even went to Branson, Missouri one year. I made a funny shaped basket that I am very proud of. I lacked the attention span for making a wooden flute but the master flute guy gave me a finished one on the last day. I also found out that I really am one of youngest pastors by at least a decade.

But there were plenty of single women pastors there. They had a running joke about wanting to marry a guy that does carpentry work because of the state our parsonages are usually in and the fact that we are all too busy to fix the houses ourselves. Well, I will admit that I am not so handy with the nail and hammer. I really wish this wasn't so but it is. If I build something, and I will follow all the directions, it will still wobble and my mom or my older brother will have to come and fix it for me. I am disgusted with myself on this lack of talent. It would be handy so I could make improvements in my new house. Though I do plan to become friendly with the Home Depot people over the next year. :)

Cat Scratch Fever

I've changed my mind.  I'm not a bad blogger.  I was looking at the high number of drafts I have saved but haven't published.  I...