Saturday, February 14, 2015

The Recap. Its a doozy. Or Just Long

I feel so guilty. Its February. At least it's February 2015 and not February 2016 J Right? 
                                                       
I will confess these days I am easily distracted.  This week the weirdest illness had me down.  My head was sick but the rest of my body wasn't so it would not cooperate with the Sick Head.  The Sick Head said we need to rest so I can get better.  The Body said I don’t feel sick and I’m not sleepy. Why do I need to be in bed?

I’m not sure how I got better. I’m not sure I’m actually better. And I got distracted a couple days while writing that last paragraph.

Well, we all survived the wedding.  We got married at The Oklahoma Aquarium in Jenks, OK. About two blocks from my mom’s house.  I wanted to get married in front of the Shark tank but the space was too small. So we put the cake table there instead. It was cool.  Every time we go see my mom we like to drive by the ‘scene of the crime’.

So, my job as a Church & Community Center Director/Church & Community Worker/local licensed pastor appointed to extension ministry ended Dec 2010.  I’m trying to word the following without badmouthing, blaming or any of that.  Due to lack of support of Conference Higher ups, I did not feel that I could continue with the ordination process. I think that is the nicest way to word that whole experience. If you have been though the ordination process then you know the hoops, the politics, and the idiocracy of the process.  

Every once in a while I think back on the process and wonder if maybe I didn't try hard enough.  Maybe I should have just jumped the hoops with my mouth closed. But then I think my experience in the years before.  Of being a US-2, working for the General Board of Global Ministries, and getting my Masters at Drew University.  I think I did my best to honest about me being me, I even jumped those dang hoops but the past experiences left me with little patience for the idiocracy.  

The whole thing felt like I was performing a complicated dance number in front of judges who weren't even watching.  My performance wasn't perfect but the person who wrote the Letter of Things to do to Improve also sat on the board of the extension ministry I worked at and had previously told me I was not allowed to do any of the things he wrote in the Letter of Things to do to Improve. 

I was simply at the point where I felt that I did not need that kind of nonsense in my life.  I had learned self care from previous experiences so I chose to walk away.  Walking away from the ordination process meant I was walking away from the kids in Clinton and walking away from the Church & Community Program.                                                                                                
They found someone to replace me at Clinton and I had been preparing the kids since I arrived that I would be leaving one day but assured them that someone else would come to be with them.  They took the news of me leaving well which makes me glad but it broke my heart having to leave them.

I moved to Texas. We decided that it would be easier for me to find a job in Texas then for David to find a job in Oklahoma plus his folks really needed us to be nearby.  We were wrong.  Having a BA in English and a Master in Divinity doesn't get you far especially if you don’t want to work with the church.  I applied for every kind of job around but no one was interested.    

There were several things I found out about myself in this journey of job hunting.  I had always thought of myself as a person that would do what needs to be done in order to survive.  But I’m not. And other people can tell.  I was at a job interview at Super Target and the manager was giving me the run down on a couple of job openings.  One was job in the Deli which included washing dishes and moving heavy things and one was working in a Starbucks area.  

Now I really didn't want to work in a Starbucks so I was leaning towards the deli. The guy looked at me a long time then said you don’t seem like you would be happy working in Deli. Maybe you should try the Starbucks area.

That irritated me. I can move things and do dishes. I took the Starbucks position and watched the deli crew to reassure myself that I could have done it.  Nope, the manager was correct. I wouldn't have been happy in Deli.  Of course I wasn't happy in Starbucks either.  I am a hard worker but what they did in Deli just looked like a beating to me.  I guess I am not a physically hard worker and I am disappointed in myself. Why can't I do it? I feel like an ass.

Now I do have high standards for myself in any job. My philosophy is that I come to work ready to work not make friends. Meaning I am not unfriendly but I get my work done before I lean on a counter and chatter with a coworker.  I was working with high school and college kids who though it was the best thing ever to work at Super Target Starbucks and…they did not feel the same way I do.  I was accused of being professional by one of them.  She meant it was an insult but it made me proud.  They were good coworkers they just didn't understand why I wanted to follow all the rules.

When the manager hired me he told me that the Target employees were like family.  It only took a few hours to see he meant the mostly white managers, department heads and employees were family.  The people who were not white were ignored.  I cringe every time I hear that at a job interview.  And I heard it a lot.  My husband gets annoyed sometimes because I mention things like that.  But I can't un-know or un-see things. More on that later.         

I stayed for about 7 months. I perfected a drink I called Hello Kitty that was a hit. Coconut and raspberry were involved and the drink itself was bight pink.  I am allergic to coconut so I never got to taste it but many coworkers who had never ordered from Starbucks came to order my Hello Kitty. J I also won Starbucks employee of the month.  I quit because...well I just didn't want to work there anymore.  

The other discovery.  I am a Gen Xer acting like a Millennial.  I left a job because I didn't like it. Well, I didn't have great expectations of the job and it was only meant to be a temp job til I found something I wanted to do.  But I left before I found the job I really wanted. Actually I left before I even found another job.

Now I am working for the First Baptist Church in Plano, Texas at their Weekday School. I am a preschool teacher. Of 3 year olds.  Not my dream job but I love my boss and co-workers. I feel cared for.  It has been the balm that my poor battered heart and soul sorely needed. Plus the kids are funny and their parents are laid back.  God has been good to me. 

That was a lot to plow through. I love how the wedding was merely 7 sentences. If I start, I could go on for days about the wedding. It will have to wait.  I’ll talk about the kids I work with now in the next post. 

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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