Running Down A Dream

I should warn you that I am a little rambly and disjointed in this post. I blame the cold weather.

I attended another revival. It was at an old school Creek Church. My mom talked me into going and I kinda forgot the church was old school. We got there early-ish so there was no one seating anyone. So we sat on the second row until it was time to start. This guy walked up to us and pointed at us both and then pointed to the front. He didn't have that big stick but he didn't need it. It was sorta there in spirit. We didn't argue and quickly moved to the pews up front on the side of the pulpit.

I am still getting used to being a pastor. Other people are far more comfortable with my label than I am. I still cringe when someone refers to me as Rev.

Our preacher for the night was a young guy about 30. There are 3 of us in our early 30s in my conference. Almost everyone else is older than us by at least two decades. I still get freaked out by this fact.

The preacher preached without using his Bible. I was stunned. I mean, he had his Bible and made references to it but never actually opened it up. The church we were at prides itself on tradition. Doing things the way they have always done things and it's well, old school. But that wasn't all. The preacher told this church that they needed to wake up and change if there were going to reach Native people of today. I was in front facing the pulpit too afraid to look to my right at the people in the church to see how they were taking it.

It was true, though. What he was preaching. Because I have been preaching it in my church. But even I, and I consider myself to be quite ballsy, would not have had the nerve to preach that message in that way to that church. It scared me a little but it inspired me as well. In fact, when the church asked me to bless the food afterwards and I literally had to choke back the sermon that wanted to come. I am still laughing about that. I almost got filled with the spirit praying for food.

I am headed for NYC this Saturday for a week and will miss Communion sunday. I don't mind missing the preaching but I will miss doing the Communion.

I am completly at a loss at what I am doing with the trajectory of my life. Part of me keeps thinking, what if I am wrong. The other part is saying lighten up. I keep thinking back to the last 7-8 years of my life. If anything, I have learned that I do not HAVE TO keep a job that is detrimental to me or my health. I do not HAVE TO do anything. I do not HAVE TO keep a job that makes me unhappy. I am in pursuit of a job that does not make me unhappy. I don't know if I am pursuing happiness but I do know I don't HAVE TO be unhappy. But what if I am wrong. I guess I could turn out to be wrong but in the end I will be glad that I took the time and effort to find out. I am worth the effort to find out if there is something more.