Warning: It gets bitter....

You were warned...

Ok, I finally looked at mapquest. Stony Point is not upstate new York. Sorry Melissa. I think it is like just an hour from NYC. I have a tendency to think NY State just consists of NYC. I forget about the true upstate. I leave tomorrow. 4:00am from Clinton. I have to drive to OKC where my flight leaves at 6:30 ish...

I have to teach a 3-hour class on Native Americans and give a 10 min presentation on my thoughts and feelings on the song "As a Fire Meant for Burning" pg 2237 in The Faith We Sing.

I have written exactly 1 page of the 10 min presentation. I think I figured out why I wait til the last minute to write some of my stuff. If I write it earlier I will rewrite it until its all nice and neat and easy to preach/talk about. I have a bit of a stress headache about my 10 min presentation. Which sounds odd considering I am writing a reflection on a Ruth Duck song. But the thing is, I am also teaching a class on Native Americans and the not so happy history of the church...the relationship with the present day church.

So amid Ruth Duck's (I just love her name. I keep giggling when I say it...) pretty picture of the church's duties/responsibilities...history keeps popping up to keep me from singing Kum Ba Ya.

I think I am frustrated by the picture of what we could be but no one ever talks about what has happened and what needs to happen to get there. Like we can all forget who we are and just be this one big happy glob. I mean, I like her lyrics but its all too pretty. It doesn't mention how crappy this God business can get and even though it can get pretty crappy, crappiness isn't a good enough reason not to keep it up. People tend to want to do mission as a feel good action for themselves. It feels good to help poor little Indians. It feels good when the poor look at us with gratitude. How many people would continue to do mission if it didn't feel so dang good?

I am kinda tired of being everyones mission project and being expected to be grateful when I get mailed a bunch of stuff I can't use because no one bothered to ask what was needed. Being poor sucks. And no, I am not F*&^%^%# grateful. (Apparently females are not suppose to be potty mouths here in Oklahoma)

And I get the feeling that if we sing this song people are going to want to sit in a circle and hold hands, close their eyes and sway. Nothing wrong with that but I am not into that. I don't want to hold any one's hand. My mantra for the weekend "I do not have to hold anyones hand. I do not have to hold anyones hand."

Am I just bitter or do I have point? I am really asking too, if you have a thought you want to share...

Its 8:58 pm I have to go to bed at 10:oopm. I guess I better go write it...

On a happy note, I get to see one of my US-2 classmates. yeah!!!