I feel so guilty. Its February. At least it's February 2015 and not February 2016 J Right?
I will confess these days I am easily
distracted. This week the weirdest illness
had me down. My head was sick but the
rest of my body wasn't so it would not cooperate with the Sick Head. The Sick Head said we need to rest so I can
get better. The Body said I don’t feel
sick and I’m not sleepy. Why do I need to be in bed?
I’m not sure how I got better. I’m
not sure I’m actually better. And I got distracted a couple days while writing that
last paragraph.
Well, we all survived the wedding. We got married at The Oklahoma Aquarium in Jenks, OK. About
two blocks from my mom’s house. I wanted
to get married in front of the Shark tank but the space was too small. So we
put the cake table there instead. It was cool.
Every time we go see my mom we like to drive by the ‘scene of the crime’.
So, my job as a Church & Community Center Director/Church
& Community Worker/local licensed pastor appointed to extension ministry
ended Dec 2010. I’m trying to word the
following without badmouthing, blaming or any of that. Due to lack of support of Conference Higher
ups, I did not feel that I could continue with the ordination process. I think
that is the nicest way to word that whole experience. If you have been though
the ordination process then you know the hoops, the politics, and the idiocracy
of the process.
Every once in a while I think back on the
process and wonder if maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I should have just jumped the hoops
with my mouth closed. But then I think my experience in the years before. Of being a US-2, working for the General
Board of Global Ministries, and getting my Masters at Drew University. I think I did my best to honest about me
being me, I even jumped those dang hoops but the past experiences left me with
little patience for the idiocracy.
The
whole thing felt like I was performing a complicated dance number in front of
judges who weren't even watching. My
performance wasn't perfect but the person who
wrote the Letter of Things to do to Improve also sat on the board of the extension
ministry I worked at and had previously told me I was not allowed to do any of
the things he wrote in the Letter of Things to do to Improve.
I was simply at the point where I
felt that I did not need that kind of nonsense in my life. I had learned self care from previous experiences so I chose to walk
away. Walking away from the ordination
process meant I was walking away from the kids in Clinton and walking away from
the Church & Community Program.
They found someone to replace me at Clinton and I had been
preparing the kids since I arrived that I would be leaving one day but assured them that someone else
would come to be with them. They took
the news of me leaving well which makes me glad but it broke my heart having to leave them.
I moved to Texas. We
decided that it would be easier for me to find a job in Texas then for David to
find a job in Oklahoma plus his folks really needed us to be nearby. We were wrong. Having a BA in English and a Master in Divinity doesn't get you far
especially if you don’t want to work with the church. I applied for every kind of job around but no one
was interested.
There were several things I found out about myself in this
journey of job hunting. I had always thought of myself
as a person that would do what needs to be done in order to survive. But I’m not. And other people can tell. I was at a job interview at Super Target and
the manager was giving me the run down on a couple of job openings. One was job in the Deli which included
washing dishes and moving heavy things and one was working in a Starbucks
area.
Now I really didn't want to work
in a Starbucks so I was leaning towards the deli. The guy looked at me a long
time then said you don’t seem like you would be happy working in Deli. Maybe you
should try the Starbucks area.
That irritated me. I can move things and do dishes. I took
the Starbucks position and watched the deli crew to reassure myself that I
could have done it. Nope, the manager
was correct. I wouldn't have been happy in Deli. Of course I wasn't happy in Starbucks either. I am a hard worker but what they did in Deli
just looked like a beating to me. I guess I am
not a physically hard worker and I am disappointed in myself. Why can't I do it? I feel like an ass.
Now I do have high standards for myself in any job. My
philosophy is that I come to work ready to work not make friends. Meaning I am
not unfriendly but I get my work done before I lean on a counter and chatter
with a coworker. I was working with high
school and college kids who though it was the best thing ever to work at Super
Target Starbucks and…they did not feel the same way I do. I was accused of being professional by one of
them. She meant it was an insult but it made me proud. They were good coworkers they just didn't understand why I wanted to follow all the rules.
When the manager hired me he told me that the Target
employees were like family. It only took
a few hours to see he meant the mostly white managers, department heads and employees were
family. The people who were not white
were ignored. I cringe every time I hear
that at a job interview. And I heard it a
lot. My husband gets annoyed sometimes because I mention things like that. But I can't un-know or un-see things. More on that later.
I stayed for about 7 months. I perfected a drink I called
Hello Kitty that was a hit. Coconut and raspberry were involved and the drink
itself was bight pink. I am allergic to
coconut so I never got to taste it but many coworkers who had never ordered
from Starbucks came to order my Hello Kitty. J
I also won Starbucks employee of the month. I quit because...well I just didn't want to work there anymore.
The other discovery. I am a Gen Xer acting like a Millennial. I left a job because I didn't like it. Well, I didn't have great expectations of the job and it was only meant to be a temp job til I found something I wanted to do. But I left before I found the job I really wanted. Actually I left before I even found another job.
Now I am working for the First Baptist Church in Plano,
Texas at their Weekday School. I am a preschool teacher. Of 3 year olds. Not my dream job but I love my boss and co-workers. I feel cared for. It has been the balm that my poor battered heart and soul sorely needed. Plus the kids are funny and their parents are laid back. God has been good to me.
That was a lot to plow through. I love how the wedding was merely 7 sentences. If I start, I could go on for days about the wedding. It will have to wait. I’ll talk about the kids I work with now in the next post.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
